My Baby

SO annoyed right now.  I wish people would keep their freaking sick kids to themselves!! GAH!  Now, my baby is sick and there is nothing I can give her except tylenol!  Worst feeling ever.  Poor thing is all stuff up/runny nose, eyes red and crusty, fever, etc.  She can't even drink without choking.  And just in time for Cullen's birthday party tomorrow.  I might just cancel because ya know, I have a brain and don't want to spread my kids sickness around!  UGH!

Easter Seals

Just got done with a 30 minute phone call from Easter Seals for Eden.  I had to send a packet of information in about a month ago.  It was about 20 pages long and took forever to fill out and then even more questions today.  The lady was super nice and very informative.  Now that she got even more information she has to talk to the physician and go from there.  I should expect a call back in the next week or so to find out if Eden has to come in for an interview or another phone interview.  We shall see.  Sometimes I still second guess if we are doing the right thing by getting her diagnosed.  I just worry about her having a label.  But, then again, good things can also come from this. 
I would love to be able to type more about this but, my hands just don't work right now.  Hoping to have that all resolved soon...I need to blog about that too.

Not In a Good Mood Today....AT ALL

Today is not a good day at all.  For a multitude of reasons.  I hate when I get in this funk and then take it out on the kids or Jeremy.  Right now I am sitting here hating the fact that my milk is gone.  I have been crying my eyes out and now they are so blurry that I can't see straight.  I ordered some more of the More Milk Plus tincture and have been taking my fenugreek.  The problem is, I cannot pump right now.  My hands are pretty much useless so I can't really hold my dang boob to actually feed her either.  Failure.  I am boiling water right now to sterilize the pump to try to pump all day today.  I am sure I will have to take a vicodin after this though from the pain in my arms.  My neck has had a HUGE crick in it all freaking weekend and I can't turn my head either.  Or lay on it.  My foot feels like it is broken and I am limping around like a gimp.  What the freaking hell is going on with my damn body!?!?!?!? For reals.  What the hell!?!?  I don't understand.  And who is suffering from it besides me?  Vivianne.  I am so annoyed with myself that I just don't know what to do.  UGH.  And the milk I get from Sarah keeps leaking into the dang water that I am thawing it in and wastes the whole stinking bag.  I am so frustrated.  *sigh*  I just wanna go back to bed. 

I feel like we are never going to have the time to get rid of our other house either.  We are just going to struggle with two payments forever.  It sucks.

 And another thing...Fall came too quickly and the kids don't have any clothes.  And all of that falls onto my shoulders to figure out what the crap they can wear in the meantime.  Liam had to go to school today in shorts and a sweatshirt.  Pretty sure I look like Mom of the Year. 

Of course it is rainy and grey today.  To match my mood I guess.  My house is a mess and I don't want to move to clean it.  And the spiders....don't even get me started on the spiders.  It wouldn't be so annoying except that we have PAID someone to get rid of the spiders and...the spiders are STILL FLIPPING HERE....in fact, they are worse.  FML.

I could go on and on about a zillion different things.  But, I won't anymore.  I'm just done.  

TRUST

 I think everyone knows that I have trust issues.  It takes me a long time to finally open up completely to someone because I have been burned SO many times.  It seems even when you invest years of your life in family, whom you should be able to trust above all else, it sometimes proves to be a pointless endeavor.  This has nothing to do with me and Jeremy.  We are GREAT!  I literally could not be happier with our relationship, our life, our kids, our living situation, etc. right now!  But, as in the past, there are people we have let into our lives that screwed us over and over, drug our names through the mud, and been overall bad people. I'm done with giving the benefit of the doubt and I am in full defensive mode.  No longer will I allow someone to lie, cheat, steal, and emotionally abuse me, my family, or those around me that I KNOW and TRUST to be wonderful people.  And let's be honest here, we all know who this post is about.....

 There are always signs and things that are heard that you try to put in the back of your mind and give the benefit of the doubt. And with this particular person, the amount of things we let slide in order to preserve feelings was a massive amount.  We would hear SO MANY THINGS all the time.  It's time to stop denying them.  The whole time we had her back, she was stabbing us in our backs.

The thing that I really appreciate is when people can at least own up to their mistakes and apologize for them.  One of the most courageous things I have ever witnessed is when I went to the jail after my nephew Zack had been arrested for burglarizing our business and others in Carthage in a drug induced binge.  He was a broken man but, still mustered the courage to own up to what he did and sincerely apologize.  He poured his heart out and asked for forgiveness, which was given.  But, the most important step he took was actually following through with his apology and took those very hard steps to change and make his wrongs right.  

From a certain person right now, there have been literally countless wrongs.  Never once have I or anyone else had an explanation, an admittance to wrong doing, an apology, nothing.  Nothing.  But, we continued to trust and accept because we had made a commitment to FAMILY.  To our detriment it seems.  But, no more.  No longer will we support and defend someone who clearly cares nothing for our FAMILY.  What I don't understand is how she can just drop us from her life like we meant absolutely NOTHING to her AT ALL, then ENTIRE TIME.  The funny thing is, she is acting like we are the ones that did something wrong here?!!?!? WTF?!?!  WE didn't do anything, YOU did. 

  This all needs to be said but, I know that I will not get the chance in person, as this person that I am talking about is a coward.  Obviously, I am not the main person involved in this situation.  But, Jeremy and I still feel the sting of betrayal.  We will not allow the names of those we love and TRUST or our names be tarnished at the hand of a pathological liar.  

 She is/has been messing with our lives in ways that make you wonder how or why she even came up with!?  It is the lowest of the low.  And then somehow in her psychopathic logic thinks that somehow none of this is her fault and she is spreading even more lies in a vain attempt to save face.  I'm sick of it and won't tolerate it.  It makes me want to puke, all the time I wasted.  And to think that I let my children be around her is even worse.  I put absolutely nothing past her at this point. Literally, NOTHING would shock me.  She crossed so many lines, so many times, that a person would have to be a complete MORON to believe her delusional lies and trust her ever again. 

What is done is done.  The choice was always yours and there were plenty of opportunities to change.  You chose wrong.  So stand there in your wrongness and be wrong.  Own it.  Admit it.  Accept it.  And dear God, freaking learn from it, finally.  Get some help.

First Day of School 2014

 This year all the kids are enrolled in the Nauvoo school district.  YAY!  School started on August 18th for all the boys.  Tristan is a Freshman at Warsaw High School.  Warsaw sends their middle school students to Nauvoo and Nauvoo sends their high school students to Warsaw.  He was able to get into some awesome classes and was excited.  So far he is loving high school and that makes me happy to know that he is happy.  

 Cullen started Kindergarten and his teacher is Mrs. Fink.  She is the second Mrs. Fink that we have had.  This one used to be Mrs. White though before she was married.  The old Mrs. Fink teaches Pre-K in Warsaw now.  (Side note: The old Mrs. Fink adopted a daughter a few years back and emailed me before they got her and asked what I thought of her naming her new baby Kalista!  I thought it was super, lol! Obviously she isn't named after me but, she got the idea for the name from my name, because she hadn't heard it before me.) Also, Cullen was convinced that he was going to stay in PRe-K with Mrs. McConnell.  In fact on the back to school Open House night he threw a huge fit in the PRe-K room on how it was HIS and not Eden's classroom.  Jeremy finally had to take him to the car because he was screaming so loud! :) Anyway, Cullen is happy to be in Kindergarten now and again...that makes me happy too! 

 Liam started 4th grade this year and his teacher is Mrs. Rose.  Tristan had Mrs. Rose back when he was in 1st grade.  Liam adapted very quickly (he had a few friends from Scouts in his class that he knew so that helped!).  So the transition from Carthage to Nauvoo was fairly easy on him.  He seems happy....and of course, that makes me happy! 

 Cedric is in 7th grade this year and my only one out at the Middle School.  He was very nervous to start that first day.  And for the first week or so, he struggled with not know the school or anyone in it, and being shy.  I got the inspiration to send him to school with a couple of packs of gum to share with people and help start up conversations and, voila, it seemed to do the trick!  He is doing well and is happy to be there!  And when he is happy, let's all say it together, "That makes me happy too!"  LOL! 

 They are all so cooperative and happy to pose for pictures for me.  

(Please note the sarcasm.)

 Asher started 3rd grade this year and his teacher is Mrs. Nolte.  Asher is doing great in school.  He is always very excited to talk about what happened that day when I pick him up.  He also had the duty of picking up Liam from his classroom the first few days to help show Liam around.  And now he gets to go to Eden's classroom to pick her up and walk with her to the Music Room where I pick them up each day.  He is excited that she holds his hand while they walk.  I think it makes him feel like a good big brother and he is!! So, can you guess what I am going to say about that??  I am so happy that he is happy!! 

 Don't they all look just THRILLED!?! 

 Eden started school on the 21st of August (Tristan's birthday.)  They started half the class on Thursday and half on Friday and they all went they following Monday.  This is her first day of school ever!  She is in Pre-K with Mrs. McConnell. I took her to the classroom that morning and she waved goodbye and told me "See ya later!"  No tears, nothing. She did GREAT! I am so proud!  The first day the teacher called and told me a couple of funny stories.  One, Eden decided to leave a lasting imprint with her new friends and laid it all out there for them by getting naked on the playground!  lol!  She took her shoes, socks, shorts, and pull-up off but, decided to leave her shirt on at least!  Oh my!  Also, she got away from the teacher and decided to take off to the other side of the school and hide out in the Kindergarten loft!  Mrs. McConnell looked there first because she said Eden was wanting to visit Cullen earlier in the day.  And yep, there she was! 

She loves getting up to get ready each day since and is always happy when I pick her up.  I already notice a difference in her.  She is talking more, using sentences more, and waiting more.  She is also letting me do her hair and washing her hands.  

I think this is going to be very beneficial to her. 

So, it is just me and Vivianne all day, all by ourselves.  It is good and bad.  The first day Eden was at school I was Anxiety Girl and couldn't focus to get anything done.  The days since have been better and we are all getting into a new groove.