Here We Go Again

  So the "one post a day" thing is going GREAT!  I  mean, just look at all the catching up I have been doing! SMH.  Oh well.  I am trying, which is proven by my many repeated attempts, lol!  So, we are going through another life crisis right now.  Looks like there is a good possibility that our house in Nauvoo will be sold out from under us again.
  *ASIDE:  To be clear, this is not at all like the situation last time where there was an immense amount of lying, cheating, and stealing, in the name of God, no less!  The Hasek's were very clear in the beginning of all this and this is what we agreed to, knowing full well all the possibilities.  We cannot fault them at all, they have been great the entire time we have lived here and we consider them friends. END ASIDE*
  I am doing my best to remain calm and not freak out but, it is a minute by minute thing. I way over-analyze every little detail of every little thing and that can be good to a point but, mostly bad for my mental health, lol.  The good thing is that we are not in the horribly crappy financial situation that we were the last time this happened but, our options are still limited.  We haven't sold our pain the ass Carthage house yet either which is the main kink in the situation.  That house has been the bane of my existence ever since I saw the damn thing. We are waiting on Lowe's to install the carpet and we are going to call it quits on fixing anything else in that house.  Really we did most of it.  The rest of the work is more cosmetic and something that most people do and change when they buy a house anyway. ( I wish I had taken before and after pics of the house from when we bought it to now....I don't know why I never remember to do that.) Anyway, we are meeting with a new lender today to see if we can go ahead and finance this house, while we still own our Carthage house.  We have been making two house payments, two electric payment, two insurance payments, two water/sewer/trash payments, two gas payments, and one payment to the lawn guy who takes care of our yard in Carthage for two years now and never missed a payment.  Obviously we can make the payments on both houses, we just wish it were that easy instead of making people come up with an absurd amount of money out of thin air for a ridiculous down payment.  *sigh*  
It's great timing too.  The mad rush at the end of the school year is in full swing, Cedric and Vivianne's birthdays, kids graduations, its the busy time of year for photographers, and a million other things.  I guess there is never a "good" time for anything.  I am trying to not fight the universe and let things happen as they need to.  We can only do so much, so we will do our best and call it good.

My Vivianne Lucille

I love this little lady so much.  This picture is from late in August but, as I try to catch up on my blogging, I will get some more recent ones on here too.  Anywho, she is growing like a weed in so many ways.  She is BUSY, BUSY, BUSY....and that is an understatement!  She is curious about everything she sees and wants to understand what it does, how it works, and wants it to be hers, lol!  She is extremely bright and catches on to words, actions, ideas, and just about everything super quick!  She LOVES to dance and sing, which is one of my favorite things about her.  She can shake her booty like nobody's business!  Whenever she hears a song or a beat, she will automatically start dancing!  She talks and talks and loves to imitate sounds as well.  One of Vivianne's favorite things to do is snuggle and boy oh boy, is she ever a pro at it!! She will snuggle on people, pillows, blankets, with stuffed animals, etc.  At bedtime or naptime, she will go around and collect all her doll babies and snugglies and toss them all into her bed first.  And when she gets out of bed in the morning, she must bring one or more of her "friends" and at least one blanket.  Then we snuggle on the couch for a few minutes or more, depending on how she feels, while she wakes the rest of the way up.  

Vivianne also is the cutest when she is saying Good-bye.  She waves the cutest little wave, blows kisses, and says "bye-bye" in the sweetest little girl voice.  She is super affectionate and loves to snuggle and play with her brothers and sister.  The boys are mostly pushovers with her still at this point and will do whatever she wants them to do for or with her, lol!  Eden loves her sister too but, likes Vivianne to not do, play, or touch anything, lol!! Although Vivianne has a little more attitude lately and is not afraid to show when she is mad at someone by very intentionally walking over to someone and hitting them to show that she is upset.  We are working on that. ;) 

At her 12 or 18 month check-up, Dr. Davis told me that it was time to take the pacifier from her while she was still at the point where giving it up wouldn't matter as much and it would be easier.  I laughed at him.  We all know that if there is an easy way to do something, that I will find an easier way that benefits me short term and make it more difficult long-term, because, ya know, that is how I roll!  So, what I am trying to say is, she still has her "paci-boom-boom" as I have somehow ended up calling the darn things after all these years. 

*On a side tangent here:  I think it is downright HILARIOUS when younger people, doctors, people that raised one or two kids, or just plain ignorant people try to give me advice on how to raise kids!  Like anyone REALLY knows, LMAO!  I am pretty sure that we are all just muddling through the best we can.  But, really, do people think I haven't tried just about everything under the sun and learned along the way!?!?  I might have ADHD, PTSD, Mom-brain, and quite possibly some kind of hormonal weirdness but, I am not stupid!! Haha!  And one of my favorite pastimes is watching all the new generation of moms have mental break downs over every little thing they have read and how it is going to either turn your child into a rocket scientist with no health problems or they will end up shattered little souls with all kinds of health issues.  I was the exact same way when I first had kids and couldn't fathom how in the world my parents raised me the way they did.  You know, with NO carseats (oh, the horror), didn't read to us before bed(and I STILL LOVE READING....how is that possible!?!?....I actually do read to the kids before bed though), feed babies formula instead of the clearly better breastmilk, giving kids medicine, blah, blah, blah. I was always up to date on car seat regulations, etc.  You know what is funny??  All those studies, those "do things this way because it the best and your child will grow horns and die if you don't do things this way" articles, the car seat regulations, the "put baby to sleep on his back-put baby to sleep on his side-put baby to sleep on his stomach", the don't eat lunchmeat when your pregnant and other such advice.....they have all changed at least three or four or more times since I had Tristan.  What I was "supposed" to do as a mom changed remarkably from when I had Tristan to when I had Vivianne. What I have learned along the way, is that we all need to do what works best for us and for each individual kid.  And whatever the newest studies have shown about whatever subject is great and good information and all that but, if you don't do whatever the newest trend is, your baby is still going to be fine.  I haven't med any formula fed adults that have any kind of effects that anyone can trace back to not being breast fed. K, well, that really was a tangent, now wasn't it!?!? End side tangent**

So, Vivi Lu has a pretty big vocabulary going and she is putting together short sentences too.  Like I said, she will try to repeat everything.  Her hair is getting long enough to start to "Do" it.  She has the cutest little curlies and the color of her hair is gorgeous.  I seriously have the most beautiful girls I have ever seen.  I know I am biased but, for reals, I can't believe that I made half of them!! I guess it helps that they have a super handsome Daddy too. :)

Are You Freaking Kidding Me?!!?

Holy crap.  I got Tristan's schedule in the mail yesterday.  He is signed up for drivers ed the first semester.  I. can't. deal.  For reals.  I can't even.  I don't understand these parents that keep smiling and joking about it like it isn't the freaking weirdest, scariest, most awful thing they have ever heard.  I am petrified.  I have let Tristan drive the Expedition once on the flats. It was fun and lighthearted and he was shocked that I let him do it.  Cedric was in the car with us and wanted to drive too.  What am I going to do when all the boys are teenagers and all of them driving.  BOYS and DRIVING do NOT go together.  At all.  Boys are so dumb with cars at that age.  I have been in too many cars where I totally should have died....all with stupid freaking boys driving who think it is cool to go way too fast and not obey traffic signs or anything.  And then I hear how much I am going to love him driving because then he can take kids places for me or run errands for me......ppssshhhhhh, whatever.  I don't want to put my younger kids in a car with a brand new driver.  Ummm, no thank you.  I don't want him to go to the store for me because like any man, he won't bring the right thing back anyway. And I sure as heck don't need him taking our cars and wrecking or breaking them in some way.  What a shit creek we would be up then.  And getting a kid a car for their 16th birthday is literally the stupidest, most irresponsible thing I can possibly think of to do for a 16 year old on their birthday.  "Happy Birthday, kid.  Here's a new car. Hope you don't die." Ugh.  I hate this.  Freaking hate it. And with the trillion other things on my mind too, it is all just too much.  Why are they all getting older?  Why am I getting older?  Why is all this happening?   

What The Freak

I am seriously upset right now and it is taking everything in me not to go the freak off on people on facebook.  Numerous times over the last few years members of my "Christian" family have deleted me because of things that I believe and/or say.  Yep, you read that right.  Apparently, Jesus loves them more than me because I said that maybe the Noah's Ark story happened differently (and other religious topics).  How very Christian of them to knock a FAMILY MEMBER out of their life because they believe differently than them.  I can tell you that I never sunk that low.  I love my family despite their religious beliefs.  I love them even though I do not believe the same things as them.  I love them unconditionally.....like someone else these people claim to follow.....JESUS CHRIST.  I do not get the same unconditional love in return.  I do as much as I possibly can for family.  I give of things freely, I give of my services freely, I make it to every stinking family thing there is (when their sorry, unorganized butts actually get anything planned), I bend over backwards for people who think I am a piece of crap.  Good luck on your "mission" to save people....cause if you're that judgemental of family, I don't know how you would get anyone to get baptized.  I'm done.  I'm over it.  Either they like me for who I am or they don't.  Whatever. 

Valentine Box

 Liam brought home a note saying that his class was having a valentine box contest!  So excited because usually kids don't make boxes anymore (at Carthage at least where everything sucks).  He said he wanted a robot.  He and I sat down at the table and made most all of the robot together.  Then Jeremy came in and said:"Oh, I bet I have some old parts we could put on it".  Next thing I know those two have the coolest looking robot ever! It even had a plasma ball on top that actually worked!! Freaking awesome.  Unfortunately, he didn't win the contest (I have no idea how but, whatever, it was just for fun).  He loved it and we had a great time making it with him! 

Then when I was at the kindergarten room yesterday, Amy told me that third grade was supposed to make boxes too! I felt SO STINKING BAD.  I need a badge on it that says: BAD MOMMY.  Asher had come home earlier in the week and gave me a class list for valentines and said he needed a valentine box.  I asked if he was sure about that because I hadn't seen any note from his teacher.  He went back to school and came  home again and said that his teacher said he could make one if he wanted to.  So, I assumed that she was just saying he could if he wanted because I still had not seen any note.  Well, Amy said it was handwritten at the bottom of one of her daughter's notes.  What the hell!?!?!?!?  Seriously!??!  When Asher got in the car after school he had clearly had a great time at his valentines party because he talked non-stop before all the other kids could say anything and had to show me everything he got.  I didn't bring it up to him.  But, how bad does it look that we went all out for Liam's box, made homemade valentines for Eden and Cullen, and literally sent Asher with only store bought Fun Dip valentines  (that he specifically requested)?!?!?!?!  I feel so bad.  It was on my mind all day long. I'm sure Asher doesn't really care but, I feel like he always gets the short end of the stick no matter what.  Ugh.  So sorry, Asher.  I  love you. 

The Carthage House

A couple of weeks ago we got a call on a Thursday night saying that the Amish guys would be to our Carthage house at 7:30 the next morning and could we be there to let them in.  What the what!?!?  Okay, well at least they would be there to get some stuff done.  So we figured it out.  We changed our whole morning schedules around and made it work.  Jeremy got there at 7:30 and had to pack up and load up all my photography equipment and bring it here to our Nauvoo house. The Amish stayed there all day and patched the roof, patched some of the drywall and plaster upstairs, built a new closet around the laundry area, and put some of the trim up.  A good amount done for the day.  That night/weekend we had a big snow storm.  Well on the following Monday or Tuesday Jeremy stopped by the house to check out the work.  He found that they had left our house unlocked.  Then he went into the living room and found that they had left one of the windows open with no screen in it and the living room was covered in snow!!! Also, our heat was left on and running, it ran so hard it kicked off, so it ended up being like 30 degrees in the house!! WTF!?!?!?!?  He was on his way to an appointment so he cleaned up the snow as best he could, shut the windows, reset the heat, locked the door and left.  Well, then we had someone that wanted to look at our house to buy.  We told them that it was in the middle of a remodel and it wasn't done yet but, they wanted to look anyway.  Ugh.  So, Jeremy met them at the house.  This was the following weekend when we had a big warm up and it melted a lot of the snow.  While they were in the basement they heard water running.  They guys asked if we had a ghost, lol!  Then water started running down on top of them from the kitchen!!! Holy crap! They found the leak, it was coming from the dishwasher.  Well apparently (after a call to the Amish guys, they called their driver and went straight to our house) the north side of the house did have the pipes freeze and the warmer weather finally let it melt enough to let out....right when we were showing the dang house! smh.  William(the head Amish guy) said he was so sorry and that they would cover any extra heat bill and make everything right.  Whew.  They are good people. I know that.  I just get so upset when people make stupid mistakes that could cost me a crap ton of money.  But, I know they didn't intentionally do it so it is hard to be too mad.  Anyway, hopefully that all works out.
The Amish also picked out new counter top( I seriously have not seen it, lol) and are installing carpet and fixing the cabinets.  I am actually really excited. And we have had a decent amount of interest in it too.  All good things.  But, also, all annoying things that require me and Jeremy making decisions and taking action, lol!
I can't wait for it all to be done.  Just done. Then we can focus on this house and our new vacation house, lol! 

Oops

Today I ate ice cream for breakfast.  Diet, Schmiet. 

Some Craziness This Morning

Oh my goodness.  Is it possible for your life to be both crazy and boring at the same time.  Or maybe it just full of lots of stupid activities that I don't really want to do or deal with?!?!  LOL!  Anyway, things have been happening.  I have just been in a funk!  Here are some of the things going on in the Kelley household now:

• I have booked my first ever weddings!  I am SO FREAKING EXCITED!  I have one on May 22nd in Nauvoo and one on May 23rd in Springfield!  I also get to do an engagement session on my birthday in March so that is awesome too!  I have so many ideas, I seriously cannot wait!  Today I am going to try to get out of the house and over to our Carthage house.  I plan on setting up a few different backgrounds and doing some promotional shots of Vivianne and hopefully squeeze getting Julianna's one year shots done this week or the next.  That way if anyone else wants to do some pictures, I can just have them come to my "studio" in Carthage! 
• Speaking of the Carthage house.  I have been waiting all month to hear back from the Amish guys to give us a quote on some renovations.  Waiting, waiting, waiting.  It doesn't help that they have to get themselves to a damn outhouse in the middle of a field to actually communicate with anyone.  I wanted this to be easy and stress free.  I just want someone to fix the things we want fixed in the dang house and be done with it, so we can sell the thing!  GAh!  
• I found my tooth!! Talk about stress!  I really don't try to be a prideful person but, there was not one way on God's green earth that I was going to step foot from my house without it! LMAO!  Jeremy and I took one night to tear everything apart AGAIN to make sure before I called the dentist and spent a ton of money on another one.  We took flashlights to our new furniture and tried to move it and clean and rearrange.  No tooth.  Finally we gave up and went to bed for the night and we decided to turn our mattress first.  Well, there it was in between the mattress and the wall!! No idea how it got there but, whatever! I am so thankful!  
• As for the weight loss....I was feeling really good about it all.  Lost 7 pounds.  Then last night happened.  I don't know how or why but, I ate half my weight in potato chips!! Of all things!! I don't even have a soft spot for chips!! WHY!?!?!?  UGH!  I hate it when I have a set back like that because it just makes me want to quit altogether.  Because somehow if I cheat like that on one day, then every day after that is ruined.  What stupid, crazy head logic.  Today I will try to remember that even though I ate every chip in Hancock County last night, today I won't do it again.  
• Cedric has been missing his Carthage friends.  And I don't blame him one bit.  He had a great group of friends in Carthage.  He was like the only one of us that did, lol!  So, hopefully this weekend or next we can have a few of them over to spend the night.  
• Jeremy is finally over his sickness and is just left with the lingering cough.  Thank goodness though.  Vivianne hasn't been sleeping well lately and we just can't figure out why.  We thought she has been teething since about three months but, a tooth never ever pops through.  What the hell is that all about?!!?  I think I know the signs of teething....pretty sure I have been through it a zillion times.  She is a mystery.  And so are her teeth!
• I have been typing this on and off throughout the morning as we all get ready for the day.  And now I am in tears, AGAIN.  I am so frustrated with Asher right now.  And I hate it because whenever I get mad and yell at him, I just sit and feel bad the rest of the day.  He seriously acts like every morning he has never heard of getting up and ready for school before.  We literally have to repeat ourselves over, and over, and freaking over again before he will get anything done.  He repeatedly does things that he knows he isn't supposed to do in the mornings.  It's like he doesn't remember that he got in trouble for that yesterday morning and does it again this morning.  Then today, I was screaming at him about something, and Eden came up next to me and started yelling at Asher too and it just made me cry.  I can't take it.  I don't know how to deal with him.  Even with his medicine, it just helps him focus.  Not act any better socially.  And obviously yelling at him doesn't work either.  I don't even know if this makes any sense because I am crying and just feeling like crap.  This will probably ruin my mood for the entire day now because for some reason that is me, all or nothing.  Ugh. 

Crops R Not Us

Here is a non-interesting little bit that probably only I will care about, lol!  I do not crop my photos.  I see many photographers cropping their photos to get the actual image they want.  Why didn't they frame it up (And by that i mean, why didn't they take the picture as they wanted it) in the first place?  When you crop your pictures it just distorts the original image and lessens the quality.  Lose, lose. 

Yuck!

I can always tell when I am going through and anxious/yucky/depressed state because I bite my nails like CRAZY!  Ugh. I hate it and it's like I have no control.  Like, Colista, just try NOT biting your nails.  Why is that so hard?!!? I can do it.  I do it all the time usually.  So the moral of this post is that my nails are all chewed on and I really want to blame someone other than myself for it.  Anyone want to take the blame??  Bueller?  Bueller?  *crickets* 

Creepy Things

I am scared to death that there is something living in my ears!  Don't laugh!  For the past couple weeks, I keep hearing/feeling something moving around in there.  I can't even describe it.  Ewww, honestly, do I even want to know if there is something living in there?  On a related note:  There is totally something living in the ceiling above my bed.  It's creeping me out.  How do I find out what the heck it is?  What if I lift a ceiling tile and raccoon or a squirrel jumps on my face?!  Any advice would be appreciated.  I'm sure the pest control we hired won't actually do anything.  They would probably tell me to try to negotiate with the critter.  Ugh. 

All-Nighter

Asher stayed up THE ENTIRE NIGHT again.  We have tried everything with this kid.  He even gets 10mg of melatonin per Dr. Davis's orders.  We have taken the computer, the kindles, pads, etc. away.  NOTHING works!! GAh!!! School was cancelled for the third day in a row due to extreme temperatures so he is here.  I took the computers away again and he is sad.  Why do I feel like the bad guy here?  I told him before bed (nicely) that if he stayed up all night again that he wouldn't have access to the computer today on the snow day.  Then I told him again about an hour later (again, nicely) and then another hour later (getting mad), and again, and again, and again, until I am a pissed off mom, half delusional from no sleep, yelling like a crazy person.  Then he cries and I feel bad.  What the hell!?!?  I don't know how to make him understand that he is not the only person in the world with feelings. 
Anyway,  I just had to vent all that out.  Obviously, I love him like crazy, and would do anything for him but, goodness, the struggle is real with trying to get him to understand how feelings work. 

WTF

Well, I had my whole Christmas morning breakfast planned out.  Every year for the past three or four years now I have made an overnight Christmas casserole that we can just pop in the oven in the morning.  This year I made sure to get all the ingredients and be prepared this week so I didn't have to go to the store for anything before or just after Christmas.  Well, Vivianne had Jeremy and I both up all night.  Poor girl needs to get to the doctor today.  Anyway, I finally came upstairs with her at 5am.  I find the McDonald's burger that Tristan saved eaten, the wrapper laid out across the stove with every last little tiny sliver of onion laid out across it.  Oh great, so Tristan was up in the middle of the night again. Then I opened the fridge and found that someone(hmmm, I wonder who) had opened the package of individual orange juices that I had gotten for the kids to have on Christmas morning.  I don't usually buy them, I get a big jug because it is cheaper that way but, thought I would splurge a little for Christmas.  And now there won't be enough for everyone.  It is SO annoying.  I know, in the scheme of things, it doesn't really matter but, Tristan has been told not to do these things like a freaking thousand million times and it just NEVER sinks in.  So, I went into his room where he is sleeping and find his garbage can overflowing, crap everywhere, and there as the crowning glory, the orange juice carton, sitting majestically on top of his book shelf.  I woke him up (6am) and told him to have the room spotless like lickety split and that he had ruined my Christmas morning breakfast.  Between him and Viv this day is starting out great.  Oh perfect, she puked again.

The Mailbox

I LOVE this new house and the property that it is on.  I do.  But, the mail box is across the street pretty much in a field.  And not only that but, during the warmer months, spiders live in there! Every day is a battle getting the dang mail.  For reals, I would have to carefully pull each piece of mail out while holding on to only the very, very edge of it and shake the tiny black spider off each individual piece of mail.  Stupid.  We sprayed the mail box multiple times and it would help for a bit, then the little black spiders would be back.  Like I said, they are gone .....for now.  But, the mail box doesn't keep my freaking mail dry!!! My mail is always wet and it has ruined quite a few things already.  Dumb.  Just dumb.  Operation "Find the Mailbox of my Dreams" has commenced!

Life.

We have been busy, busy, busy and it isn't going to get any better.  We haven't wanted to show our house until we get some things fixed up in it.  But, we have had a fair amount of interest in our house and Susan asked if she could take someone through.  We really didn't want her to but, if it meant that someone might buy it as is, then it would be worth it.  We went over there and did what we could before she took someone through. Turns out that person does not want to buy it as is.  But, there is still a more interest in it so we have been trying to meet up with the Amish guys to do the small projects in the house.  They should be here today or later this week.  We are going to have them patch the roof, finish the trim, lay new carpet, fix cabinet doors, possible build a small closet around the laundry area, and any other little odd jobs around.  We are going to hard core list and promote it after that.  I also think we are going to sell our swing set.

We also have been trying to find all our Christmas stuff in our storage shed and get it here to the house.  One whole box got ruined when one of my snow globes shattered all over everything else in the box and it all molded.  Really annoyed.  Of course the snow globe in question had been a gift from Vanessa a few years ago so the first words out of my mouth were: "Vanessa strikes again!"  haha!  Whatever.  My advent calendar that was a gift from Mark and Karina is yucky, one of my Christmas bears from 2013, my big cream colored stuffed snowman, my Santa statue, and a couple random things were ruined.  UGH.

I am having a hard time getting into the Christmas spirit.  I don't feel the love from people this time of year, which is the complete opposite of how it is supposed to be.  I have big plans every year and every single year something gets left out or ruined.  So, this year, I am not going all out.  I am not giving personal, thoughtful gifts.  I am not doing advent.  I am not going out of my way to make it a thousand gatherings.  I am not going to make myself sad or mad because of rude comments other people make. Nope. I am going to keep my family to myself and enjoy each other.  Just the nine of us.  And soak up all the season has to offer that is good.

We did get our tree up this past weekend, which is good.  The kids were very excited.  There were no arguments or yelling.  They just crowded around (a bit much at times, lol) and all wanted to see their ornaments from years past.  We got it all done and then yesterday I found two more boxes of ornaments! doh!  So, I put a few on that were randoms and saved the rest for the people they belonged to.

We took Eden to the pediatric dentist in Burlington yesterday.  Boy was that fun.  Not.  At first she went into the waiting room and was very good.  But, as soon as she went into the back, it all started.  She screamed and cried and kicked and hit and screamed some more.  Luckily with all that screaming the dentist could see in her mouth.  She needs a crap ton of work done.  To the tune of about $10,000.  WHAT. THE. EFF?  Most of that would be hospital fees for sedation. etc.  And about $2,700 would be the actual dentist fee.  So, he said we should go to a pediatric dentist in Springfield so that our medical card would cover most of it and it could be done in a hospital. There is something fun to look forward to.

I also have meetings out the freaking butt with all kinds of different people to work with Eden and her IEP.  The problem with doing all of that stuff now is....doing all that stuff now.  Right in the midst of the full holiday swing.  That and it is never fun to do these things.  No one really gets how it feels to talk to others about your children and have to deal with these problems.  And then your kids constantly have this LABEL and a lot of times people don't want to do certain things with your kids because of these problems.  It makes me feel bad for them and there isn't much I can do about it.  I'm doing the best I can for them though and even though it never seems like enough to me, it is going to have to be.

The week before Thanksgiving Cullen stayed home from school for four days with a cough.  I took him to Dr. Davis when I took the other two.  He didn't seem worried and no one in my house had caught it (or caught it since then)so I have been just letting it take its course.  It is just now starting to go away.  It has been rather annoying though and that kid eats cough drops like they are going out of style.  

Vivianne is jabbering away like crazy! She makes cute little sounds and "talks" quite a bit.  She is gnawing and drooling like crazy and I expect a tooth very soon.  She also blows raspberries all the time too!  She loves to smile....pretty much all the time.  She is a joy to be around.  She is sitting up now although she still tips over pretty easily.  She rolls and scoots all over the floor and always ends up somewhere different from where I laid her down. 

Are You Freaking Kidding ME!?!?!?

Today is one of THOSE days.  I wish there was some kind of "out of order" sticker that I could slap on my forehead for days like these.  I knew I was off when I woke up.  I haven't slept well in forever and on top of that my stupid hands/arms wake me up about 40 times a night.  So, this morning was a doozy anyway because Eden and Viv woke us up way too early.  Then Cullen came to me, sick, and I realized that he would have to stay home from school today.  Which wouldn't have been that bad but, I also had Asher and Vivianne to take to see Dr. Davis for check-ups.  Jeremy couldn't come to the appointment with me (even though he knew about it plenty in advance) which was awesome (it was decidedly NOT awesome). 
We also had Susan taking someone through our house and I wanted to get to Carthage early to put some scentsy out and make sure things were okay.  Did I get to leave the house on time? No. Because apparently I was the ONLY one that heard me say (30 million times) that we all had to get to the doctor's office today.  Ugh. 
Went to Dr. Davis's.  Asher was a monster.  Cullen was good but, was hacking his lungs up all over the place.  Vivianne was good but, annoyed because she got shots today. By the way, today was the 6 month check up.  She weighs 15 pounds even and 25 inches long.  She is a tiny girl...she was in the 20th and 30th percentile for height and weight.
 I was trying to make appointments afterwards and I thought Asher was going to crawl out of his skin.  It literally takes over 20 minutes to schedule an appointment at this office.  And this time I KNOW it took that long because I had a timer that they gave me, set at 15 minutes, to make sure there were no reactions to Vivi's shots.  I cannot for the life of me figure out what the bloody hell takes these people so damn long to make an appointment but, dear god, I thought I was gonna lose it!! Finally Jeremy showed up and took all the kids to the car.  Thank God! 
Then Asher screamed for 20 minutes more because I wouldn't take him to Dairy Queen.  I had told him that if he was good, then I would take them to DQ.  Well he was SO NOT GOOD.  And he couldn't wrap his brain around why I was being so mean to him!?!?  GAHHHHH!!! 
I went to the house and tried plugging my scentsy in and the bulb burnt out in my hand.  Are you freaking kidding me?!!?!? Whatever.  So, I just left.  We came home.  Asher was just on one the entire day.  Literally.  Not exaggerating at all when I say, he make me wanna take the slow train to Denver.  I have no idea what the heck that even means but, it sounded good right there.  Whatever.  Just go with it. 
I tried to get some more organizing/cleaning done.....but, Vivianne had other plans. She has been super fussy ever since the dang shots.  I was/am on the fence about shots.  I don't agree with the frequency, the need, etc. etc.  Dr. D. also talked me into a flu shot for Vivi today.  I, nor anyone else in the family, has ever had a flu shot.  I definitely do not agree with them for sure.  But, I figured Vivi was young and might benefit from it.  Who knows?? All I know is now I have a cranky, unhappy baby when I did have a happy, smiling baby.  She just wanted me to hold her all day which is torture on my hands.  Then, the dang bug people came buy for our quarterly pest control and literally did nothing except put some steel wool in a hole outside our house.  I told them I wanted the house bombed for spiders and they said they don't do that.  WHAT THE EFF!?!?  YOU ARE A PEST CONTROL COMPANY!!!!!!!  Then he gave me a bill for $105 and told me he would see me in the Spring.  I have never in my life seen such a waste of money.  For reals.  I cannot justify this.  I can do everything they do, myself.  Just dumb. 
Then we had to load up to get kids from school....still having not gotten anything done at all.  My head is throbbing at this point and Asher is still going strong.  Vivianne was still crying like crazy.  The other kids wanted food, me to clean up spills on the floor, fix computers that I can't fix, and all that fun stuff.  Eden decided that it was a great time for potty training and had me take her to the bathroom, take her pants on and off 42 times, and put her on and off the toilet an equal amount of times.  It was loads of fun. 
I couldn't cook dinner because I was insane at this point.  We put some frozen pizzas on for everyone.  I don't like them but, tried to eat some anyway.  Every piece I got, Eden would take it from me and eat it when I wasn't looking.  I didn't actually get to eat.  I am so annoyed with today that it can so be over now.  I need a vacation.  I need people to leave me the freak alone for a bit, so my mental health can recover I think. 

ARGH!

OMG, I am having a real blog crisis since moving.  I am so behind on so many things and I don't want to leave them out of the blog.  But, I cannot seem to make myself do it.  It's like I am so behind now that I don't even want to start again.  Ugh.  Just dumb.  I've been in the slumps for no good reason really.  Nothing to complain about that is worth really complaining about.  In fact many, many good things are happening.  Why do I have these feelings, fears, anxieties, mental fogs, etc??  I am starting to wonder if there is a chemical imbalance somewhere.  Or hormone imbalance.   Or thyroid??  I don't know but, I have just been "off".  Simple tasks like making phone calls consume an entire day for me because first I overthink it and stress about it. Then decide not to do it.  Then realize that I HAVE to do it.  Then worry about it some more.  Just dumb.  It's a freaking phone call for the love of pete!! 

So,  a quick recap of some random things.  We have started an IEP through the school for getting Eden diagnosed.  The Easter Seals wants her to see their physicians but, don't have an opening until Summer of 2015!!  Whaaat?  Whatever.

I have started a little photography business called Captured by Colista.  Things are starting off with a good amount of interest.  My last session I did, I am so upset about.  I took some great pictures but, in the wrong mode on the wrong ISO and made them not as great as I would like to them to be.  I'm sure the people will still like them and they will work fine for printing I suppose but, I am a perfectionist when it comes to things I create.  I want them to be the best.  Anyway, so far in the past three weeks I have made $350.  It isn't much but, it feels good anyway.  And I totally enjoy doing it......after having panic attacks in the days before each shoot! ha!

Cedric has decided to be the basketball team camera man.  He has to video the games and practices.  He is excited about it and I like that.  He is really turning into a cool little teenager even if he isn't officially a teenager until next year.

My hands hurt now.  

Sickie

I am so sick.  I hate it.  Seems to be mostly a head cold type thing.  Yesterday I took enough cold medicine to probably sedate a small horse (joke btw, but, I did have my head in the dang clouds) and didn't get a whole lot done.  I couldn't focus on anything.  I ended up locking us all out of the house when I went to get kids from school.  Jeremy had to come give me a key. Then I forgot all about scouts even though I had literally just talked to my mom about it on the phone.  Dumb.  Jeremy and I HAD to get get some groceries again which I really did NOT want to do.  Finally got the last of the Halloween costumes for the kids too.  I hope I don't feel ill this weekend because it is jam-packed with things to do. 

My Baby

SO annoyed right now.  I wish people would keep their freaking sick kids to themselves!! GAH!  Now, my baby is sick and there is nothing I can give her except tylenol!  Worst feeling ever.  Poor thing is all stuff up/runny nose, eyes red and crusty, fever, etc.  She can't even drink without choking.  And just in time for Cullen's birthday party tomorrow.  I might just cancel because ya know, I have a brain and don't want to spread my kids sickness around!  UGH!

Not In a Good Mood Today....AT ALL

Today is not a good day at all.  For a multitude of reasons.  I hate when I get in this funk and then take it out on the kids or Jeremy.  Right now I am sitting here hating the fact that my milk is gone.  I have been crying my eyes out and now they are so blurry that I can't see straight.  I ordered some more of the More Milk Plus tincture and have been taking my fenugreek.  The problem is, I cannot pump right now.  My hands are pretty much useless so I can't really hold my dang boob to actually feed her either.  Failure.  I am boiling water right now to sterilize the pump to try to pump all day today.  I am sure I will have to take a vicodin after this though from the pain in my arms.  My neck has had a HUGE crick in it all freaking weekend and I can't turn my head either.  Or lay on it.  My foot feels like it is broken and I am limping around like a gimp.  What the freaking hell is going on with my damn body!?!?!?!? For reals.  What the hell!?!?  I don't understand.  And who is suffering from it besides me?  Vivianne.  I am so annoyed with myself that I just don't know what to do.  UGH.  And the milk I get from Sarah keeps leaking into the dang water that I am thawing it in and wastes the whole stinking bag.  I am so frustrated.  *sigh*  I just wanna go back to bed. 

I feel like we are never going to have the time to get rid of our other house either.  We are just going to struggle with two payments forever.  It sucks.

 And another thing...Fall came too quickly and the kids don't have any clothes.  And all of that falls onto my shoulders to figure out what the crap they can wear in the meantime.  Liam had to go to school today in shorts and a sweatshirt.  Pretty sure I look like Mom of the Year. 

Of course it is rainy and grey today.  To match my mood I guess.  My house is a mess and I don't want to move to clean it.  And the spiders....don't even get me started on the spiders.  It wouldn't be so annoying except that we have PAID someone to get rid of the spiders and...the spiders are STILL FLIPPING HERE....in fact, they are worse.  FML.

I could go on and on about a zillion different things.  But, I won't anymore.  I'm just done.