Showing posts with label Sound Advice. Show all posts

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Asher's Doc Appointment

Yesterday I took Asher to the psychiatrist again for a check up. The timing was perfect because we had just had a parent/teacher conference with his school teachers this past weekend. He is still getting awesome grades. He is SO smart. But, the social aspect of things is still needing work and from what I gathered today, will be a life long work in progress. We talked meds and things we could do to help him and us cope and live happily. The medicine is helping with the ADHD but, the Aspergers is going to require something else. Dr. Cummings suggested that we start therapy. It would be talk therapy and social skills. She gave me a few numbers to call and we set up a follow-up appointment with her. I have really been struggling emotionally lately in dealing with the "fun" of the Aspergers part of his diagnosis. It doesn't help that I feel like no one gets it. Even though I know that there are people out there that do. The good thing is that from what I have been reading many Aspies (new lingo!) go on to do great things like becoming the CEO's of huge corperations or inventing new things because of how they think outside of the box. Anyway, I came home and started doing some more research on things I could do to help him and me. I loved this answer from Dr. sears that I found posted online in response to another Aspergers (ASD) question......

You are correct in referring to Asperger Syndrome as "high-functioning autism," as it's a part of the whole spectrum of autism. I prefer to simply call it Asperger Syndrome, and separate it from the stigma of autism since many of these children

act quite differently than those who are more severely autistic. I have had the experience of being pediatrician to several of these children in my practice, and have followed one child with Asperger Syndrome from birth -- and he's now a 24-year-old computer whiz who is a senior programmer in a major computer firm.
Like my former patient, many children with Asperger Syndrome are extremely bright. The most obvious characteristic of children with this syndrome are their social quirks. "Quirky" is not necessarily a negative attribute, in this instance -- these are kids who think out of the box and, if treated professionally, they will grow up to build better boxes. The so-called quirks that A.S. children exhibit are variable, but the one thing that characterizes these children is their social inappropriateness. Some are very aloof; many have problems picking up on normal socialization cues and come across as awkward. They often shun prolonged eye contact, and are less engaging in conversation. Unlike most children with autism, A.S. children rarely have any delay in speech; in fact, many are extremely bright and eloquent. Their eloquence just appears at the wrong time. For example, they may blurt out their opinion about a topic right in the middle of the teacher's lesson in school instead of waiting until she is finished. Difficulty with the back-and-forth listening and speaking of normal conversation is also typical. Here are five ways to help your child

become socially more appropriate:

Get him counseling. Interview specialists in Asperger Syndrome in your area and choose one that is a good match with your child. Because your child is precociously bright, he will likely perceive on his own whether or not this counselor is right for him.

Be his social chairman. You may notice that he'll relate appropriately with some children and inappropriately with others. He may do better with one-on-one relationships or shine in group play. Identify the most compatible peers and foster those relationships. Invite temperament-compatible friends over to your home for parties and sleep-overs. Keep track of "high-risk" situations that cause him to get frustrated and become socially inappropriate, such as too many kids in a small room, and avoid these situations as much as possible. In my experience, children with Asperger Syndrome get bored around boring kids, so you may need to encourage relationships with other children who are bright and interesting. Remember, your goal is to help him enjoy the company of other children, and he needs to enjoy socializing in order to do it appropriately.

Model social skills. Get him comfortable with making eye contact during conversations. When you speak to him, make eye contact that is brief, soothing, and non-threatening. Use animated facial gestures so that he enjoys looking at someone's face. Teach him how to respond in emotional situations. If he laughs when his friend is upset, for example, play show and tell. Show him why his friend is sad, and how to be sympathetic with responses such as "I'm sorry." If that doesn't work, tell him. Even a five-year-old can understand the admonition, "That's inappropriate!" As he gets older, you can show him how to further respond appropriately to social cues. If another child brings him a toy and invites him to play, he may not get the hint and need you to tell him, "Billy wants you to have fun with him playing with the truck."

Get him moving. Boys with Asperger Syndrome are often also labeled A.D.H.D. One of the newest treatments

for hyperactive children is intense exercise. I suspect that the basic therapeutic mechanism is that exercise stimulates neurochemicals that make the entire brain work better. Set him up to succeed: If there's a particular game or activity that he's good at, whether it's softball or soccer, encourage him to participate and excel at it. Team sports are good for A.S. kids to pursue, although many of these children are more comfortable with one-on-one sports, such as tennis.

Foster his "special something". Discover your child's special talent (e.g., sports, academics, art, music) and nurture its development. I call this the "carryover effect:" If your child excels in one thing and feels that he is good at it, this feeling is likely to carry over into helping him generally develop appropriate behavior in other circumstances.

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Morning Laugh/Motivation

Oh, how I laughed at this! But, it is SO true was well.

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Truth

Yesterday, I was very upset all day long. Sunday too. I don't like feeling that way at all. I saw this on a friend's timeline on facebook and it fit with what I am feeling right now just perfectly. I don't know if Bob Marley actually said it or not because things tend to get messed up on the internet but, the quote it is good just the same. If Bob Marley said it, it makes it that much better because he is one of my absolute faves! I listen to him every time I am giving birth, lol!

Monday, February 10, 2014

Good Reminder

Monday, January 6, 2014

LOVE These Quote

“I did make a conscious decision, a long time ago, to choose time over money, since I’ve always understood that the best investment of my limited time on earth was to spend it with people I love. I suppose it’s possible I’ll lie on my deathbed regretting that I didn’t work harder and say everything I had to say, but I think what I’ll really wish is that I could have one more beer with Chris, another long talk with Megan, one last good hard laugh with Boyd. Life is too short to be busy.”
-Tim Kreider

Another great thing from his article that is called "The Busy Trap"

"Even children are busy now, scheduled down to the half-hour with classes and extracurricular activities. They come home at the end of the day as tired as grown-ups. I was a member of the latchkey generation and had three hours of totally unstructured, largely unsupervised time every afternoon, time I used to do everything from surfing the World Book Encyclopedia to making animated films to getting together with friends in the woods to chuck dirt clods directly into one another’s eyes, all of which provided me with important skills and insights that remain valuable to this day. Those free hours became the model for how I wanted to live the rest of my life."

" Idleness is not just a vacation, an indulgence or a vice; it is as indispensable to the brain as vitamin D is to the body, and deprived of it we suffer a mental affliction as disfiguring as rickets. The space and quiet that idleness provides is a necessary condition for standing back from life and seeing it whole, for making unexpected connections and waiting for the wild summer lightning strikes of inspiration — it is, paradoxically, necessary to getting any work done."

Breast Is Best No Doubt

How Human Milk Protects Babies From Illness

Posted on August 8, 2013 by admin in Why Breast is Best No Comments

Human milk is more than food. It’s a complex living substance, like blood, with a long list of active germ-fighting and health-promoting ingredients. These help protect babies against all kinds of infections, common and not-so-common.
A drop of breastmilk contains around one million white blood cells. These cells, called macrophages (“big eaters”), gobble up germs. Breastmilk is also power-packed with immunoglobulin A (IgA), which coats the lining of babies’ immature intestines, preventing germs from leaking through. Secretory IgA also works to prevent food allergies. By coating the intestinal lining like a protective paint, it prevents molecules of foreign foods from getting into the bloodstream to set up an allergic reaction.
Colostrum, the milk mothers produce in the first few days after birth, is especially rich in IgA, just at the time when the newborn is first exposed to the outside world and needs protection from germs and foreign substances entering his body. Colostrum also contains higher amounts of white blood cells and infection-fighting substances than mature milk. Think of colostrum as your baby’s first important immunization.
As babies grow, mother’s milk continues to provide important protection against infection and disease. Human infants receive antibodies through the placenta, but these are gradually used up during the first six months. Human milk fills in the immunity gap until baby’s own immune system matures and kicks in. Even babies who continue to nurse into toddlerhood benefit from the many immune factors in their mother’s milk.
Immunities made-to-order. Each mother provides custom-designed milk to protect her infant. When a baby is exposed to a new germ, mother’s body manufactures antibodies to that germ. These antibodies show up in her milk and are passed along to her baby. Many a nursing mother can tell the story of the entire family–dad, mom, siblings–coming down with the flu and the nursing baby having the mildest case, or not getting sick at all. When mother comes down with a bug, the best thing she can do for her baby is to keep breastfeeding.

BREASTFED BABIES ARE HEALTHIER

Derrick and Patrice Jelliffe, pioneers in breastfeeding research, stated that breastfed infants are “biochemically different.” This difference in body chemistry may be the reason they are healthier. While babies are breastfeeding, they have fewer and less serious respiratory infections, less diarrhea, and less vomiting. When breastfed babies do become ill, they are less likely to become dehydrated and need hospitalization.
Here are some specific ways in which breastfeeding protects babies from illness:

Friendly to little ears. Ear infections are a childhood nuisance, often following on the heels of stuffy noses and colds. The middle ear fills with fluid, and eventually that fluid becomes infected, causing pain, especially in the middle of the night. Repeated ear infections, or those that go untreated, can lead to hearing loss. This is an important concern in young children, since hearing difficulties can interfere with language, and language problems can later affect reading skills. Breastfeeding protects against ear infections in four possible ways:
1. The many germ-fighting ingredients in human milk keep harmful bacteria from bothering baby, so that stuffed-up noses and ears are less likely to become infected middle ears.
2. Because breastfed babies are fed in a more upright position, they’re less likely to experience milk backing up through the eustachian tube into their ears; if this does happen during a breastfeeding session, human milk is less irritating to the tissues of the middle ear than infant formula.
3. Breastfed babies have fewer, or at least less severe, colds than formula-fed babies. Fewer colds means fewer ear infections.
4. Breastfed babies have fewer respiratory allergies, another cause of fluid building up in the middle ear, which setts the stage for bacteria to grow.
Protects tiny tummies. Human milk excels at protecting babies from diarrhea and tummy upsets. This is important not only for individual babies but also on a global scale. Diarrhea is a leading cause of infant mortality worldwide, and breastfeeding is the simplest, most cost- effective way to protect babies from repeated bouts of gastrointestinal illness. Another way in which breastfeeding protects tiny tummies is by promoting the growth of healthful bacteria in the intestines. Intestines are healthiest when you can keep the right “bugs” in the bowels. The healthful bacteria, known as bifidus bacteria, do good things for the body in return for a warm place to live. They manufacture vitamins and nutrients and keep the harmful bacteria in check. The high levels of lactose in breastmilk particularly encourage the growth of the healthful resident bacteria Lactobacillus bifidus.
Protects against other infection. Studies have found that breastfeeding protects against a wide variety of other diseases. Here’s a partial list:
- Haemophilus influenzae type B
- Pneumonia caused by Streptococcus pneumoniae
- Meningitis
- Infant botulism
- Urinary tract infections
- Cholera
- Salmonella
- E. coli infections
- Respiratory syncytial virus (RSV)
Reduces risk of SIDS. Many parents are relieved to learn that breastfed babies are less likely to become victims of SIDS. There are many ways in which breastfeeding could influence the incidence of SIDS. One recent theory suggests that infants who die of SIDS may sleep too deeply and fail to awaken if they stop breathing for a moment or two, as babies often do when they’re sleeping. Breastfed babies sleep less deeply and thus may be more likely to wake up if there is a problem with their breathing. Breastfeeding’s protection against infection may also help to lower the SIDS risk. (See Breastfeeding and SIDS)
Fewer problems with reflux. While all babies spit up a bit, some regurgitate excessive amounts of milk, because of a condition called gastroesophageal reflux (GER). Normally, the circular band of muscle where the esophagus joins the stomach acts like a one-way valve, keeping milk, food, and stomach acids from backing up into the esophagus when the stomach contracts. When it doesn’t do its job and these acids enter the esophagus, the result is an irritation that adults would call heartburn. In many infants, it takes six months to a year for this muscle to mature enough to prevent this regurgitation or reflux. GER is less of a problem in breastfed infants because breastmilk is emptied twice as fast from the stomach. It’s less likely to be regurgitated than slow-to-digest formula with its tough casein curds.

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Worrying

Friday, October 11, 2013

Motherhood

“You’re a stay-at-home mom? What do you DO all day?”

Posted on October 9, 2013 by The Matt Walsh Blog

It’s happened twice in a week, and they were both women. Anyone ought to have more class than this, but women — especially women — should damn well know better.
Last week, I was at the pharmacy and a friendly lady approached me.
“Matt! How are those little ones doing?”
“Great! They’re doing very well, thanks for asking.”
“Good to hear. How ’bout your wife? Is she back at work yet?”
“Well she’s working hard at home, taking care of the kids. But she’s not going back into the workforce, if that’s what you mean.”
“Oh fun! That must be nice!”
“Fun? It’s a lot of hard work. Rewarding, yes. Fun? Not always.”
This one wasn’t in-your-face. It was only quietly presumptuous and subversively condescending.
The next incident occurred today at the coffee shop. It started in similar fashion; a friendly exchange about how things are coming along with the babies. The conversation quickly derailed when the woman hit me with this:
“So is your wife staying at home permanently?”
“Permanently? Well, for the foreseeable future she will be raising the kids full time, yes.”
“Yeah, mine is 14 now. But I’ve had a career the whole time as well. I can’t imagine being a stay at home mom. I would get so antsy. [Giggles] What does she DO all day?”
“Oh, just absolutely everything. What do you do all day?”
“…Me? Ha! I WORK!”
“My wife never stops working. Meanwhile, it’s the middle of the afternoon and we’re both at a coffee shop. I’m sure my wife would love to have time to sit down and drink a coffee. It’s nice to get a break, isn’t it?”
The conversation ended less amicably than it began.
Look, I don’t cast aspersions on women who work outside of the home. I understand that many of them are forced into it because they are single mothers, or because one income simply isn’t enough to meet the financial needs of their family. Or they just choose to work because that’s what they want to do. Fine. I also understand that most “professional” women aren’t rude, pompous and smug, like the two I met recently.
But I don’t want to sing Kumbaya right now. I want to kick our backwards, materialistic society in the shins and say, “GET YOUR FREAKING HEAD ON STRAIGHT, SOCIETY.”
This conversation shouldn’t be necessary. I shouldn’t need to explain why it’s insane for anyone — particularly other women — to have such contempt and hostility for “stay at home” mothers. Are we really so shallow? Are we really so confused? Are we really the first culture in the history of mankind to fail to grasp the glory and seriousness of motherhood? The pagans deified Maternity and turned it into a goddess. We’ve gone the other direction; we treat it like a disease or an obstacle.
The people who completely immerse themselves in the tiring, thankless, profoundly important job of raising children ought to be put on a pedestal. We ought to revere them and admire them like we admire rocket scientists and war heroes. These women are doing something beautiful and complicated and challenging and terrifying and painful and joyous and essential. Whatever they are doing, they ARE doing something, and our civilization DEPENDS on them doing it well. Who else can say such a thing? What other job carries with it such consequences?
It’s true — being a mom isn’t a “job.” A job is something you do for part of the day and then stop doing. You get a paycheck. You have unions and benefits and break rooms. I’ve had many jobs; it’s nothing spectacular or mystical. I don’t quite understand why we’ve elevated “the workforce” to this hallowed status. Where do we get our idea of it? The Communist Manifesto? Having a job is necessary for some — it is for me — but it isn’t liberating or empowering. Whatever your job is — you are expendable. You are a number. You are a calculation. You are a servant. You can be replaced, and you will be replaced eventually. Am I being harsh? No, I’m being someone who has a job. I’m being real.
If your mother quit her role as mother, entire lives would be turned upside down; society would suffer greatly. The ripples of that tragedy would be felt for generations. If she quit her job as a computer analyst, she’d be replaced in four days and nobody would care. Same goes for you and me. We have freedom and power in the home, not the office. But we are zombies, so we can not see that.
Yes, my wife is JUST a mother. JUST. She JUST brings forth life into the universe, and she JUST shapes and molds and raises those lives. She JUST manages, directs and maintains the workings of the household, while caring for children who JUST rely on her for everything. She JUST teaches our twins how to be human beings, and, as they grow, she will JUST train them in all things, from morals, to manners, to the ABC’s, to hygiene, etc. She is JUST my spiritual foundation and the rock on which our family is built. She is JUST everything to everyone. And society would JUST fall apart at the seams if she, and her fellow moms, failed in any of the tasks I outlined.
Yes, she is just a mother. Which is sort of like looking at the sky and saying, “hey, it’s just the sun.”
Of course not all women can be at home full time. It’s one thing to acknowledge that; it’s quite another to paint it as the ideal. To call it the ideal, is to claim that children IDEALLY would spend LESS time around their mothers. This is madness. Pure madness. It isn’t ideal, and it isn’t neutral. The more time a mother can spend raising her kids, the better. The better for them, the better for their souls, the better for the community, the better for humanity. Period.
Finally, it’s probably true that stay at home moms have some down time. People who work outside the home have down time, too. In fact, there are many, many jobs that consist primarily of down time, with little spurts of menial activity strewn throughout. In any case, I’m not looking to get into a fight about who is “busier.” We seem to value our time so little, that we find our worth based on how little of it we have. In other words, we’ve idolized “being busy,” and confused it with being “important.” You can be busy but unimportant, just as you can be important but not busy. I don’t know who is busiest, and I don’t care. It doesn’t matter. I think it’s safe to say that none of us are as busy as we think we are; and however busy we actually are, it’s more than we need to be.
We get a lot of things wrong in our culture. But, when all is said and done, and our civilization crumbles into ashes, we are going to most regret the way we treated mothers and children.
******
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Twitter: @MattWalshRadio

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Unsalted Butter

People who really know me, know how I feel about baking with unsalted butter. This girl's blog lays out all the things I wanted to say without me saying them! Yay!

Why we use unsalted butter

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Judging Others

I am in a sad state of affairs. Ugh. So depressed. And sick. I have a bug of some sort, Coughing, headache, body aches, vomiting, etc. etc. Fun stuff. Here is a story......

On last Thursday, I was home alone with Eden and the other kids were at school. For the past week or so since school started Nauvoo has been getting out early because of the heat and they don't have air conditioning. They get out at 12:45 so our schedules have not settled into a routine yet. Last Thurday, they were in school all day. Jeremy came home for lunch and the three of us ate. Eden then snuggled up in "her" chair and started watching Buzz Lightyear. She started to doze so, when Jeremy left, I laid down on the couch and thought how great it was that I could take a nap with her! Jeremy and I had been up a lot the night before with the youngest three and I was tired. I made sure she was asleep and then tried to catnap. The next thing I knew there was an old lady at the door asking if Eden was mine?!!? What!?!? She had woken up, unlocked the back door and left!! Apparently she was walking down the middle of main street (barefoot!) and wandering away. The little old lady next door said she saw Eden leaving our yard and sent her husband after Eden but Eden ran away! (Like she loves to do...ugh!) So, my neighbor called one of her friends down the street to catch Eden as she went by. The lady did and brought her back to our house. Now, as she is telling me this, my heart is sinking in my chest!! ANYTHING could have happened to her and I wouldn't have known. It scares the breath right out of me. It is my WORST nightmare!! I thanked the old women and bought Eden inside to snuggle. I started crying just thinking about what could have happened!! She was asleep one second and gone the next. I guess people won't think we are so paranoid when we say we have a video camera in her room anymore!
I called Jeremy and told him what happened. I had paused the Buzz Lightyear show when I came back inside with Eden and I could tell by the time index that it had been about 20 minutes. I don't know if she was outside the entire twenty minutes or not. Typically, I do not nap with the kids when they nap. I try to use that time to get something done. Why had I chosen that day to nap with her?!!? She keeps us on our toes more than any other kid we have had. So, Jeremy told me to calm down (I was crying like a baby) and told me it was just an accident. I decided to lay Eden down in her crib to finish out her nap because she was acting tired still. She passed right out. Then I went downstairs to try to relax a little on Facebook. HA!
I started scrolling through the newsfeed and I see a post in the Hancock County Buy, Sell, and Trade that says something to the effect of:"What kind of parent has their three year old girl running barefoot down Main street in Carthage!?!?" It was posted by one of my new neighbors that had just moved into the neighborhood about three or four months ago. Why she chose to post that in a buy, sell, and trade site, I will never know. Apparently she likes to gossip. Anyway, the post went crazy with all kind of self-righteous know-it-alls putting in their two cents on what a bad person I must be and so on and so forth. Let me tell you, it felt great.....NOT. First of all, to make a mistake as a parent is tough enough but then to have people that know absolutely NOTHING about me, my kids, or the situation really hurt. They all decided amongst themselves on the post that something had to be done about the world's worst mom and the authorities got called. FML. I called Jeremy first thing. He is my rock and I needed him right now. He came home lickety split. We are blessed to have a flexible work. He stayed with me for a bit until my mom could come over. I couldn't stop crying. I knew that I had nothing to hide but, it is still scary to have someone that has that kind of power come into your home and judge you. Especially when you read those stories in the news like this ONE.
I think everyone who knows me, knows that I am a pretty paranoid mom. I worry about everything under the sun. I would never under any circumstances put my children in any kind of danger. I don't know any mom that hasn't taken a nap when their little ones are sleeping. That is what you are supposed to do, right!?!? Well anyway, when Jeremy got home for the night, we took the kids to Grandma's and went to the store to buy a crap ton of locks. We went home and installed them all over all the doors, up high where Eden can't get to.
So, the next day there was a knock at the door and it was a gentleman from DCFS. He said they had received a call about a child that was being neglected. Neglected. That word hurt. And it makes me tear up even typing it. Are you kidding me!? I invited him in and we talked about what happened and he did a safety check of the house. I showed him that we had a video camera in Eden's room, that we had the bar on the sliding door, that we had installed new locks on the outdoor fenced in yard three weeks ago, that we had installed three more locks the night before. He was very nice and even told me that he had more important cases than this. He said they get calls like this all the time and that what I told him was exactly what he wanted to hear....that is was an ACCIDENT. He said he would have to come back again sometime this week to talk to everyone and then we would be done.
He said if the case was proven unfounded then it would be over and no record of it. If it is proven founded then it can go on your record for anywhere from 5 to 50 years. I know it should be proven unfounded. But, this coupled with all the gazillion other things weighing on me right now, just might do me in. I'm at a really low point right now and I hate it.
Regardless of everything, my main concern is that Eden is safe. There are some good people in the world that helped her and for that I am beyond grateful.
What is bothersome is that one of my neighbors watched all of this from their window and did NOTHING. What if I had been hurt or dead inside the house? Instead she narrated it all from her window and plastered it all over facebook. Had I seen a little girl in the street and knew where she lived, I would have ran out and got her and knocked on the door to her house. Who would know what the circumstances are until you knock and talk!??! Instead, she judged from afar and got it all wrong. Instead, she chose to cause trouble for people she doesn't even know. And to top it all off, this woman has six kids too. I have NEVER seen her outside with them and they are constantly playing in the street!! Since this happened I have photographed her children playing, running, chasing balls, and just plain standing IN THE FREAKING STREET. Although, I would never want to put a family through this, I have my evidence if she wants to push me.
The silver lining in this, is that this really brings home the point of judging others. I am guilty of it at times too. We each fight unique battles and have unique personalities. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. We cannot rush to judgement of others until we know what is in people's hearts. I will try my best to not judge those around me and to love everyone despite and flaws, weaknesses, or mistakes.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Mistakes

This was just too good to pass up!

Thursday, August 29, 2013

I LOVE This!

To the Unwashed Masses of Mothers

Lea Grover

Lea is a writer and toddler-wrangler living on Chicago's South Side. When she isn't cultivating an impressive dust bunny collection she waxes philosophic about raising interfaith children, life after cancer, and vegetarian cooking. In her free time you can find her writing as Becoming SuperMommy, working on her manuscript, singing opera to her littles, or smeared to the elbow in Townsend pastels.

Dear Mom,

I’ve seen you around. I’ve seen you screaming at your kids in public, I’ve seen you ignoring them at the playground, I’ve seen you unshowered and wearing last night’s pajama pants at preschool drop-off. I’ve seen you begging your children, bribing them, threatening them. I’ve seen you shouting back and forth with your husband, with your mom, with the police officer at the crosswalk.

I’ve seen you running around with your kids, getting dirty and occasionally swearing audibly when you bang a knee. I’ve seen you sharing a milkshake with a manic four year old. I’ve seen you wiping your kids’ boogers with your bare palm, and then smearing them on the back of your jeans. I’ve seen you carry your toddler flopped over the crook of your arm while chasing a runaway ball.

I’ve also seen you gritting your teeth while your kid screamed at you for making him practice piano, or soccer, or basket weaving, or whatever it was. I’ve seen you close your eyes and breathe slowly after finding a gallon of milk dumped into your trunk. I’ve seen you crying into the sink while you desperately scrub crayon off your best designer purse. I’ve seen you pacing in front of the house.

I’ve seen you at the hospital waiting room. I’ve seen you at the pharmacy counter. I’ve seen you looking tired, and frightened.

I’ve seen a lot of you, actually. I see you every single day.

I don’t know if you planned to be a parent or not. If you always knew from your earliest years that you wanted to bring children into the world, to tend to them, or if motherhood was thrust upon you unexpectedly. I don’t know if it meets your expectations, or if you spent your first days as a mom terrified that you would never feel what you imagined “motherly love” would feel like for your child. I don’t know if you struggled with infertility, or with pregnancy loss, or with a traumatic birth. I don’t know if you created your child with your body, or created your family by welcoming your child into it.

But I know a lot about you.

I know that you didn’t get everything that you wanted. I know that you got a wealth of things you never knew you wanted until they were there in front of you. I know that you don’t believe that you’re doing your best, that you think you can do better. I know you are doing better than you think.

I know that when you look at your child, your children, you see yourself. And I know that you don’t, that you see a stranger who can’t understand why the small details of childhood that were so important to you are a bother to this small person who resembles you.

I know that you want to throw a lamp at your teenager’s head sometimes. I know you want to toss your three year old out the window once in a while.

I know that some nights, once it’s finally quiet, you curl up in bed and cry. I know that sometimes, you don’t, even though your heart is breaking with exhaustion and the weight of crushed expectations.

I know that some days are so hard that all you want is for them to end, and then at bedtime your children hug you and kiss you and tell you how much they love you and want to be like you, and you wish the day could last forever.

But it never does. The day always ends, and the next day brings new challenges. Fevers, heartbreak, art projects, new friends, new pets, new fights. And every day you do what you need to do.

You take care of things, because that’s your job. You go to work, or you fill up the crock pot, or you climb into the garden, or strap the baby to your back and pull out the vacuum cleaner.

You drop everything you’re doing to moderate an argument over who’s turn it is to use a specific marker, or to kiss a boo-boo, or to have a conversation about what color lipstick Pinocchio’s mommy wears.

I know that you have tickle fights in blanket forts, and that you have the words to at least eight different picture books memorized. I’ve heard that you dance like a wild woman when it’s just you and them. That you have no shame about farting or belching in their presence, that you make up goofy songs about peas and potatoes and cheese.

I know that an hour past bedtime, you drop what you’re doing and trim the fingernail that your three year old insists is keeping her up. I know that you stop cleaning dishes because your kids insist you need to join their tea party. I know you fed your kids PBandJ for four days straight when you had the flu. I know that you eat leftover crusts over the sink while your kids watch Super Why.

I know you didn’t expect most of this. I know you didn’t anticipate loving somebody so intensely, or loathing your post-baby body so much, or being so tired, or being the mom you’ve turned out to be.

You thought you had it figured out. Or you were blind and terrified. You hired the perfect nanny. Or you quit your job and learned to assemble flat packed baby furniture. You get confused by the conflict of feeling like nothing has changed since you were free and unfettered by children, and looking back on the choices you made as though an impostor was wearing your skin.

You’re not a perfect mom. No matter how you try, no matter what you do. You will never be a perfect mom.

And maybe that haunts you. Or maybe you’ve made peace with it. Or maybe it was never a problem to begin with.

No matter how much you do, there is always more. No matter how little you do, when the day is over your children are still loved. They still smile at you, believing you have magical powers to fix almost anything. No matter what happened at work, or at school, or in play group, you have still done everything in your power to ensure that the next morning will dawn and your children will be as happy, healthy, and wise as could possibly be hoped.

There’s an old Yiddish saying, “There is one perfect child in the world, and every mother has it.”

Unfortunately, there are no perfect parents. Your kids will grow up determined to be different than you. They will grow up certain that they won’t make their kids take piano lessons, or they’ll be more lenient, or more strict, or have more kids, or have fewer, or have none at all.

No matter how far from perfect you are, you are better than you think.

Someday your kids will be running around like crazy people at synagogue and concuss themselves on the handicapped rail, and somebody will still walk up and tell you what a beautiful family you have. You’ll be at the park and your kids will be covered in mud and jam up to the elbows, smearing your car with that sugary cement, and a pregnant lady will stop and smile at you wistfully.

No matter how many doubts you might have, you never need doubt this one thing: You are definitely not perfect.

And that’s good. Because really, neither is your child. And that means nobody can care for them the way you can, with the wealth of your understanding and your experience. Nobody knows what your child’s squall means, or what their jokes mean, or why they are crying, better than you do.

And since no mother is perfect, chances are you are caught in a two billion way tie for Best Mom in the World.

Congratulations, Best Mom in the World. You’re not perfect.

You’re as good as anybody can get.

With love,

Me

Monday, August 26, 2013

Trust

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

When I Am Gone

How Schools Kill Creativity

I have posted this video before, I thought. But, I don't know when or where. It is awesome. Seriously one of the best ever!! Twenty minutes long and WELL WORTH IT!

Not Penny's Boat