Flowers Galore!

Cullen and Eden are always bringing me fistfuls of flowers that they pick for me.  Dandelions and those purple field flowers are the norm, lol! They don't last long, even if they make it to a cup of water...so I figured a picture would be appropriate. :)

My "Summer Job"

I DID IT!!!!!  I AM DONE WITH SUMMER BALL PHOTOS!!!!

 (Well, I must add a stupid disclosure here that I'm not actually done quite yet....but, I only have to package(which does take a crazy amount of time even though it doesn't sound like it would) the last four teams when they arrive and then deliver to the coaches for distribution.)

So, I was asked to do the  team photos for the Nauvoo Athletic Association again this year.  I did ten teams with kids ranging from 4-16.  It a large task for one person.  But, one I was looking forward to with excitement.  I spent some time in February, March, and April getting nice order forms made that had a perforated, tear off envelope to put payment in, for a more streamlined order form and a professional look.  I worked out different print packages for people to choose from, set up an online store, designed new marketing materials, and worked on the "business" part of my business so that I would be fully prepared for the summer photos.  It was all going according to my plan until I began to realize that my contact for the NAA wasn't actually conveying anything to the rest of the NAA or the coaches.  Whatever.  It has all ended up working out in the end but, again, next year, I will run things differently or just won't do it, I guess.

I spent all of June and July working on these photos and it has been a ton of work.  Work that I enjoy.  Work that brings money into our house of NINE people.  I think sometimes people forget that Jeremy and I both are entrepreneurs, we own TWO business, have SEVEN kids, are paying double on most home bills (due to owning one and renting one), and also have business expenses on top of all that as well, and we are solely responsible for how much money we make.  We don't get a paycheck.  I know most people don't own their own business, let alone two, so maybe it is hard to relate to.  But, is is hard.  There is so much more behind the scenes stuff that people never see.  I just think it is interesting that when ever anyone else has work(where they work for someone else), it is fine and dandy because you know, it's their JOB, and they have to go because they have to make money.  But, if Jeremy and I get babysitting for our JOBS or work strange hours, we are told that we are not good parents, or people act like we never see our kids or don't love them or something.  Ridiculous, of course. I just need to learn to block these stupid comments out of my head but, that has always been something that is hard for me, I feel too much, and take too much to heart.  Anyway, we also had a lot of help with our kiddos which I am super duper grateful for!! :)  I still need to figure something out for a regular sitter for Vivi during the school year, once I am working again but, gonna try to block that out until later,,,,,I don't want my head clouded with any more than it already has stuffed into it. Haha!

 Something that I love about Jeremy and I both owning our own businesses is that we can take time off when we want.....which is exactly what we are going to do.  Tomorrow morning, we leave bright and early for our camping adventure!! I cannot wait!!! I want to sit back, block all the stupids out of my life, and enjoy my family, myself, and nature.  I don't plan on doing any more photo sessions until after school starts again.  August is going to be packed full of adventure and fun as well so best make time for it, lol! 

The BOM

One of my best friends in the whole world, Tuesday McLeod (Carstens), got me a ticket to see the broadway play, The Book of Mormon, that was coming to Peoria!!! She did it as a thank you for me taking their family pictures.  So, I left home about 2 or 3 on a Tuesday and drove to Peoria.  I was planning on spending the night but, ended up driving home at one in the morning(that is part of the stupid story with Chenille and Mother) afterwards.  Anyway, the play was freaking AMAZING and SO FREAKING HILARIOUS!  There were so many funny references that you would only "get" if you had been immersed deep in the mormon culture!! I literally could not stop laughing.  The music was good and so was the company!! Thank you Tuesday!  A great life experience. 

Tidbit

I am seriously annoyed with myself and what a horrendous job I have done keeping up with this blog for the past year or so.  I AM going to do better.  I also have slacked on printing the blog books.  That will happen too.  The past year has been different for me in so many ways. There has been a lot of discovery, learning, growth, introspective, and change in all areas of my life. I am going to try to keep a goal of posting one post a day to try to catch myself up a bit.

Yesterday I posted these pictures on Facebook of all the kids at Kelley Family Easter.  Grandma and Grandpa Kelley had gotten these super cute Minnie Mouse outfits for Eden and Viv for Christmas.  They hadn't had a chance to wear them yet and I thought, rather than get new Easter dresses, they could wear these and be freaking adorable!  And adorable they were!  Oh my goodness, I these two girls are just too much cute!

 My boys have totally made my life complete by giving me an awesome photo of ALL of them STANDING STILL, LOOKING AT THE CAMERA, SMILING, AND NOT THROWING SOME KIND OF FIT!!!!  I am in heaven.  I love the rainbow shirts I made them wear too, lol!

 

Mud Volleyball

 Every year at Grape Festival there is a Mud Volleyball Tournament.  I have never actually participated in it, though I was SUPPOSED to the year that Jeremy and I started dating but, I stayed out to late with Julie Scheetz the night before and we both overslept, lol!  Anyway, Chris Hutson called Jeremy and wanted to put together a team for old times sake.  Jeremy agreed.  I was going to be doing the Grape Stomp with Trisha that morning.  Well, at the last minute they needed another player so right after the Grape Stomp, I changed and went to play Mud Volleyball, reluctantly, lol!  

 I only actually played for a few minutes but, it was a BLAST!  My main concern was that Jeremy got to have a great time with his best friend, Chris, and his brother, Tyson.  And boy, did they ever!  

Our team actually did better than we thought we would do and got to play until the early afternoon.  

 After we were done playing, we all piled in the back of Tyson's truck and headed down to the river to "wash off".  It was a super fun time and something we are glad we got to do.  

 These guys were hilarious!! 

After this, Jeremy and I actually cleaned up and went to The Wine Barrel because we had heard that the food truck, Fork It, was there.  We went there and got a ton of food to eat and headed to Colchester.  I had really wanted to make it to the Labor Day celebration over there because they have a GINORMOUS flea market and I wanted to get some props, chairs, etc. for photo sessions I had coming up.  We got there late in the day and all the vendors were closing but, we did awesome for the little bit we got to be there and I walked away with a chairs, benches, and props for a great price!! 

Good Article

I read an article on the internet the other day by Stephanie Marsh on Huffington Post.  I am gonna copy and paste it here because it hit so darn close to home for me.  And as I sit here with tears flowing down my face from a fresh argument with the kids, it really, really sinks in. Here it is:

I Am Not That Mom
I am not that mom who sits on the floor with you playing My Little Pony for hours. I am not the mom who builds entire towns on Minecraft. I have never learned to play Pokémon and I never (ever) will. I am well aware of my failure in this aspect of parenting.
I am thankful for my husband, who excels in watching cartoons and playing video games. I smile when I see him and the kids tossing a football in the yard. (In the yard. No throwing balls in the house. Jesus.) I laugh when they wrestle and tickle and play, play, play.
I'm just not that mom.
I was the young soon-to-be mom, scared to death but determined, so determined, to bring you into this world and love you like no other. I was the single mother of two who worked long hours and still held dance parties with just my two boys where we sang at the top of our lungs and the laughter rang as loud as the music. Before you were even born, I was the mom eating cherry cheesecake so I could see you dance. (And because cheesecake.)
When I first saw you, I knew that you would hold my heart forever. Two more times I met my new sweet babies, and two more times my heart grew to wrap around all of you. When you were a baby, I was that mom who couldn't sleep for looking at you. I can still feel you, so tiny, snuggled on my chest. When I see you asleep now, I still picture you curled up in footie pajamas, all wispy hair and dark lashes against perfect skin.
I was that mom who rocked you all night, patting and bouncing and shh, shh, shhing when you cried. I was the mom who panicked over every bump and bruise. I was the mom who kissed boo boos. I was the mom who spent untold hours waiting on casts for broken bones or bandages for cut fingers. (Safety scissors, my ass.) I was the mom whose leg you were firmly wrapped around the day we toured preschools. I was the mom who went to school online in order to work from home because you needed me.
I am the mom who signs notes and checks homework and packs lunches. I'm the mom who makes the doctor's visits and dentist appointments and parent teacher conferences. I'm the mom who hasn't worn anything but thrift store clothes for years so that you can go to school wearing clothes that are apparently hand-sewn by the famous athletes of the world.
I'm the mom who makes stupid jokes and sings off-key and acts sillier than I am just to see you smile. I'm the mom who wouldn't trade those smiles for the entire world.
I'm the mom who loves you so much more than I could ever explain. And the mom who tries so hard to show you that.
But most times I feel like I am also the mom who is failing.
I'm the mom with chronic recurring depression. I'm the mom with generalized anxiety disorder. I'm the mom with PTSD. I'm the mom who has chronic migraines. I'm the mom with chronic pain. I'm the mom who sees more doctors than hairstylists. (Hahaha, I don't even remember the last time I went to a stylist. But you have an appointment tomorrow.)
I am the mom who struggles every single day to accomplish the things that have to be done so that you can have a "normal" life. I am the mom who does your laundry even when I have to sit down to sort it. I'm the mom who makes sure the water bill gets paid so that you can shower. I'm the mom who clips your fingernails and buys you toothpaste and nags you to wear deodorant.
I'm also the mom who forgets things. Not the big stuff, like birthdays or Christmas, although there have been a few notes from the Tooth Fairy instead of cash. But I forget things that you already told me. I forget that when you were playing a video game yesterday, you scored 58 touchdowns and a free throw, and spawned...maybe a chicken? I don't know. I forget.
But I'm also the mom who can tell in a single glance when you are upset, and who listens to you when you are sad and angry and when you are happy and excited, even if I do tend to forget your ponies' names and LeBron's stats and how to catch 'em all.
I'm the mom who wants to slay all your dragons and breathe fire on anyone who dares to hurt you.
I'm also the mom who too often hurts too much to cook dinner. I'm the mom who lets you eat an unhealthy amount of macaroni and pizza rolls. I'm the mom who has piles of clean laundry on the couch because my arms ache so badly I can't fold it. I'm the mom who gets overwhelmed too easily. I'm the mom who has to hide when things get to be too much. I'm that mom who cries in the bathroom when I've let you down.
I'm the mom who stays awake at night worrying about you. I'm the mom who wishes she could save all your hugs and all your "I love you's" and get them back out on the days when there are no hugs, just slamming doors.
I'm the mom who loves you SO MUCH. You are the children who save my life every day. I'm the mom who is trying to be the parent you deserve, even when I'm not the one you might want.

Life Right Now

Jeremy and I have been taking half a day off on Wednesdays to go to the Carthage house and work on it until it is done.  It is coming together slowly but, surely.  We have/are painting every single nook and cranny in the entire house. (well, maybe not every nook and cranny....but, pretty dang close!) Yesterday I started in on trim and oh my goodness, it is going to take me YEARS to finish, lol!  But, it is looking sooooooo much better! It is amazing what paint can do!  I wish I had taken before and after pics.  When we are all done, we want to take everyone over to see what we did, lol!  I have to say that we are pretty proud of ourselves. *pats self on back* And if we get to do to the steps what we want to do to them, I will be thrilled!  There are some things we just can't fix right now or ever so what will be, will be. But, I sure hope this house sells for the price we want.  Knowing that we can swing two house payments and double payments on most utility bills is kind of comforting in a weird way, lol.  We certainly don't like doing it, and could definitely find better uses for the money but, there was a time when I thought we would never get to a point like this.  
But, I have to also say that we couldn't do this without my mom and Jeremy's mom.  They have been instrumental in allowing us the time to get this big project done by helping with kids and time.  I literally feel like I have never been so busy in my whole life!  We are constantly do/or worrying about doing something.

Tristan and Cedric have been working for Jeremy this summer at his store.  He wants to start teaching them more so they can help out with the store and earn some money.  Tristan also took the initiative and applied for a job at Pete's Place here in Nauvoo.  And....he got the job!! Awesome!  He is happy to be working there too!  Good job, Tristan!

I am now affiliated with a professional print lab for professional photographers!  Things are going really good with my business and I am excited about the future!  I will complete tomorrow a huge endeavor that I was asked to do this summer, taking team and individual photos of the Nauvoo Athletic Association's summer ball teams.  They had a total of 8 teams and I did photos for 7 of them.  It was so much fun!  I just made up four packages that they could choose from with some a la carte items as well and went from there.  I learned a lot and if I am asked next year or by someone else, I will definitely do things a little differently but, it was a great learning experience.  I am also excited about getting new equipment.  I plan on upgrading my camera to the next level.  I have it all picked out.  The body of the camera alone is $2400.  It is expensive but, it is so going to be worth it! I CANNOT wait, lol!  I am also going to get a new monitor that is specifically designed for photographers to get the best true colors and quality out of the pictures.
I also have quite a few people asking me about senior pictures.  This fall should be quite busy with photos as well.  I love it!!!!!

Eden is getting scheduled for surgery on her mouth in either August or September.  We had two options with her since we have no dental insurance.  The first option was cheaper but, more traumatizing for Eden.  The second is much more expensive but, much easier on Eden.  We chose the second option.  I don't like that she will be completely under or what is going to happen but, it does need to be done.  I am hoping that the house sells really fast because this is one of those things that the extra house money would be perfect for!  The whole thing is going to cost more than our cars. Good grief.

Vivianne is walking all around now.  She jabbers all the time and has so much to say!  One of the best parts of our day is when Jeremy is getting ready to leave for work.  When Jeremy says that he is going to leave she automatically starts waving, blowing kisses, and saying bye-bye!  It is freaking adorable!  We stand at the door and wave until Daddy is in the car.  And when she sees us come back from somewhere it is just as cute!!  She has an infectious smile that just doesn't quit.  Everyone gets the biggest kick out of every little thing she does.  She is pure joy.

We have not been doing Asher's meds much this summer.  I really don't like him being on the medicine.  It does help for when he is at school.  I wish I could homeschool again.  I am considering it but, I really don't think I can do it for at least another year.  Once we own this house and maybe have added on which, we want to do asap.  But, Asher seems to be doing really well without it most of the time.  I have been changing my approach with the kids lately. I felt like all I was ever saying to them was no. Or shut up.  Or telling them to stop or saying how annoying they were.  Not very uplifting stuff.  I was feeling overwhelmed with everything and taking it out on them.  I was even annoying myself.  When I stopped to think about why the kids were being so mean or misbehaving, it made me realize that maybe I am part of the problem.  If all you ever hear is someone yelling at you, then it can't make you want to be a very happy, kind person.  I am doing my very best to be patient and understanding instead of quick to temper and mean.  (Not that I am mean to my kids, don't take this the wrong way....it's just that I feel like I am not being the best example right now....I think everyone does it at some point.)  It is also very hard when you have 7 kids.

I am doing well on my weightloss journey that I started in January.  I started out at 210(I think) and am down to 177!  That is 33 pounds since January.  That is almost 5 pounds a month.  I am trying to not be annoyed that it isn't happening quicker but, I think this is actually a healthy rate to lose it.  Having a fitbit is great for motivation.  It is also great to make you feel like crap.  When I am editing pictures, I HAVE to sit at a computer for a long time.  And I don't get as many steps as I like.  But, it is still good to have, to make myself accountable and more aware of my activity.  I need to find something to do during the winter to keep my activity level up.  I thought about getting a membership the YMCA or something.  I don't know. We said we were gonna do that a year or two ago and never did.  Completely forgot about it.

Tristan is also getting ready to go on his great Boy Scout adventure to Philmont!  They are all taking the train out to New Mexico(an adventure in itself) then will spend a week at Philmont and ride the train back home.  He is saying that he really doesn't want to go anymore.  But, I know once he does it, he is going to love it.  It is already paid for so he is going, lol!

The Crabapple Tree

 This is the crabapple tree in the yard.  I am in love with it!  From a distance and when it first started blooming, it was definitely lavender in color.  Up close and the more it blossomed, it became pink.  I went out one day to take pics of it.  I wanted to use my macro lens to get some super up-close shots of the blooms.  When I walked toward the tree a low hum got steadily louder as  I approached.  Once I walked under the tree I could see why.  There were SO many bees EVERYWHERE....doing what bees do.  They didn't bother me and one even let me take its picture.  ;)

Do We Look Alike?

Well this is tiny...you may have to click on it to make it bigger.  Yesterday, I posted this on facebook, just sure that we all three looked exactly alike.  The more I stare at it, the more I start to think we look nothing alike, lol!  But, there is one of the only 'baby' pics I have of myself.  I am really hoping to find some more.  Look at those curls....what the heck was going on with my hair?!?!  I think I was about 12 or 18 months in the pic if I can remember what my mom told me loooong ago! 

More From Tuesday

Well, Jeremy and Asher made it safely to and from Quincy in this icy weather to his appointment at Blessing Behavioral Center.  Jeremy was messaging me the whole time letting me know what was going on.  The doc(Dr. Cummings) wants to up Asher's adderall prescription and give him a prescription for bed wetting, and one for sleep.  He brought them home and I started to look them up and they seem kinda scary and weird.  Just initial thoughts but, we shall see.

Every week FitBit sends me my weekly stats. It is pretty cool.  I wish I could paste it on here but, it won't let me.  Anyway, I will try to type it all here because it is very motivational.  One day this week I totally forgot to put the fitbit on the whole day after I took it off to shower.  Also, I wish there were others that would "compete" with me.  Right now my only competitor is Jamie Steen! lol!

This weeks Stats:

Total Steps: 53, 057  Daily Average: 7,580 steps Best Day: 11,307 steps

Total Distance walked: 22.19 miles  Daily Average: 3.17 miles Best Day:4.73 miles

Total Floors Climbed: 73  Daily Average: 10  Best Day:18

Total Calories Burned: 16,400  Daily Average: 2,343  Best Day: 2,640

Calories In vs. Out: -10, 790
Weekly total:16,403 calories burned, 363 calories eaten. -5,520 plan deficit
(This is off because I didn't log all my food and water last week)

Weight Change: 2.0 lbs. Lightest: 196.0  Heaviest: 198.0

Average Sleep Duration: 4 hrs. 28 min.

Average Times Awakened: 7

Average Time to Fall Asleep: 10 min.

I also earn badges daily and weekly.  Last week I earned:

• Boat Shoe (5,000 steps)
• Sneaker(10,000 steps)
• Urban(15,000)
• Happy Hill(10 floors climbed)
• Redwood Forest(25 floors climbed)
• Marathon(26 miles, this is a lifetime badge)
• Penguin March(70 miles, also a lifetime badge)

Anyway, so the one they email me has cute little graphics and charts and what not but, this will serve the same purpose.  So, it is good to see that I am making progress even if it doesn't quite feel like it yet to me.  I started at 206.8 (at least that is the last reference I can find that I wrote down, lol, it could be more actually).  So 10 pounds is an okay start I guess.  I really don't notice it yet.
Also, notice the sleep.  My average amount of times waking at night is 7!  One night last week I woke up 18 times.  We never get to sleep properly because of kids but, with my own sleep issues on top of it, good grief!  This can't be good on my brain, lol!
Also, I go up and down stairs all day long.  Lots and lots of stairs. 

 My Vivi is crawling all over the place!  And she "talks" a lot.  She says Mama and Dada all the time.  She also gives kisses. And has started waving (just today)!  I need to do a separate post on her, never mind, lol!

Valentines Surprise

It was Friday the 13th.  The kids were off of school and I was having a pretty crappy day.  Suddenly the doorbell rang! Gah!  Who the heck could be here!?!?  I was in lounge clothes and the kids were still running around in pajamas.  Eden ran for the door and then all the others followed so I HAD to get the door.  I opened it and it was a delivery guy with flowers!!  He had two bouquets in his hands(which I was trying to wrap my head around....why were there two?) and I took them and said thank you and he said he had another in the car! What?!  Then I realized that the smaller two were for the girls.  Jeremy had flowers delivered for all three of his girls on Valentine's Day.  It was so cute and the flowers were so pretty.  Eden was excited and I tried to show her how to smell the flowers but, I don't think she wanted to do that again, lol!  A few times a day she walks up to her flowers and says" My Eden flowers."  She liked her strawberry cream filled chocolate heart too!  He had picked out a dozen roses for me and a pink rose for Eden and a purple rose for Vivianne.  He really is thoughtful and cute!  I was happy. 

That Tree In the Corner

Just so everyone knows.....my Christmas tree is finally down.  Yeah, as of two days ago...I finally shoved that thing in it's box and was done with it.  Only to discover there is nowhere good to store it.  Whatever.  I don't care where it goes really.  I have never in my life left my tree up until February 18th!!! What the heck is wrong with me?  Anyway, I did it, and now we can all move on with our lives. 

What The Freak

I am seriously upset right now and it is taking everything in me not to go the freak off on people on facebook.  Numerous times over the last few years members of my "Christian" family have deleted me because of things that I believe and/or say.  Yep, you read that right.  Apparently, Jesus loves them more than me because I said that maybe the Noah's Ark story happened differently (and other religious topics).  How very Christian of them to knock a FAMILY MEMBER out of their life because they believe differently than them.  I can tell you that I never sunk that low.  I love my family despite their religious beliefs.  I love them even though I do not believe the same things as them.  I love them unconditionally.....like someone else these people claim to follow.....JESUS CHRIST.  I do not get the same unconditional love in return.  I do as much as I possibly can for family.  I give of things freely, I give of my services freely, I make it to every stinking family thing there is (when their sorry, unorganized butts actually get anything planned), I bend over backwards for people who think I am a piece of crap.  Good luck on your "mission" to save people....cause if you're that judgemental of family, I don't know how you would get anyone to get baptized.  I'm done.  I'm over it.  Either they like me for who I am or they don't.  Whatever. 

FitBit

Well I am down another two pounds in the last two days.  Awesome.  I guess being to anxious to eat has it's benefits.  That and my fitbit has really been helping me notice how I treat my body and what I put into it.  It tracks my water intake, food/calorie intake, my sleep cycles, how many flights of stairs I climb, how many steps I take, my recent exercise, my active minutes, how many miles I walk, and more!  I love, love, love, it! 

Valentine Box

 Liam brought home a note saying that his class was having a valentine box contest!  So excited because usually kids don't make boxes anymore (at Carthage at least where everything sucks).  He said he wanted a robot.  He and I sat down at the table and made most all of the robot together.  Then Jeremy came in and said:"Oh, I bet I have some old parts we could put on it".  Next thing I know those two have the coolest looking robot ever! It even had a plasma ball on top that actually worked!! Freaking awesome.  Unfortunately, he didn't win the contest (I have no idea how but, whatever, it was just for fun).  He loved it and we had a great time making it with him! 

Then when I was at the kindergarten room yesterday, Amy told me that third grade was supposed to make boxes too! I felt SO STINKING BAD.  I need a badge on it that says: BAD MOMMY.  Asher had come home earlier in the week and gave me a class list for valentines and said he needed a valentine box.  I asked if he was sure about that because I hadn't seen any note from his teacher.  He went back to school and came  home again and said that his teacher said he could make one if he wanted to.  So, I assumed that she was just saying he could if he wanted because I still had not seen any note.  Well, Amy said it was handwritten at the bottom of one of her daughter's notes.  What the hell!?!?!?!?  Seriously!??!  When Asher got in the car after school he had clearly had a great time at his valentines party because he talked non-stop before all the other kids could say anything and had to show me everything he got.  I didn't bring it up to him.  But, how bad does it look that we went all out for Liam's box, made homemade valentines for Eden and Cullen, and literally sent Asher with only store bought Fun Dip valentines  (that he specifically requested)?!?!?!?!  I feel so bad.  It was on my mind all day long. I'm sure Asher doesn't really care but, I feel like he always gets the short end of the stick no matter what.  Ugh.  So sorry, Asher.  I  love you. 

Valentine Craft

 Yesterday I got to go to the Kindergarten classroom and help out with a valentine craft.  My friend, Amy Shanks, asked me to help out and I was so excited!  Then the morning of, of course I have to be having an anxiety attack (been having a lot lately) and got really, really nervous.  I had my mom come over to watch Vivianne so when she got there I left.  I couldn't hardly think straight when I got there because I had tried taking some cold meds to help calm me down (my throat hurt too) but, instead it just made me stupid.  Anyhow, once we got into making the craft and I met more of the kids in the class, I could relax a bit and calm the heck down.  I just hate it when I am going through something stupid like that in front of people but, I am pretty sure no one knew except me, lol!  Anyway, I had the BEST time hanging out with Amy and the kids.  The kids were all so cute and very good.  Cullen was so excited to have me come to his classroom.  I want to do it more for sure.  And check out the craft that Amy put together....they turned out SO CUTE!  We painted both hands on each kid and had them do two pictures each, one for portfolio and one to take home to parents.  Amy also gave me the idea of framing and hanging the kids artwork in our bedroom.  What a great idea!  So going to do that! I have a TON of it!!