Round and Round We Go, Where We Stop, Nobody Knows!

My life is like an endless carousel ride.  Only I feel like I am on the wrong ride, getting nowhere.  Just running around and around in circles.  And it is exhausting.  I am just hoping there is a point to it all.  *sigh* 

My Vivianne Lucille

I love this little lady so much.  This picture is from late in August but, as I try to catch up on my blogging, I will get some more recent ones on here too.  Anywho, she is growing like a weed in so many ways.  She is BUSY, BUSY, BUSY....and that is an understatement!  She is curious about everything she sees and wants to understand what it does, how it works, and wants it to be hers, lol!  She is extremely bright and catches on to words, actions, ideas, and just about everything super quick!  She LOVES to dance and sing, which is one of my favorite things about her.  She can shake her booty like nobody's business!  Whenever she hears a song or a beat, she will automatically start dancing!  She talks and talks and loves to imitate sounds as well.  One of Vivianne's favorite things to do is snuggle and boy oh boy, is she ever a pro at it!! She will snuggle on people, pillows, blankets, with stuffed animals, etc.  At bedtime or naptime, she will go around and collect all her doll babies and snugglies and toss them all into her bed first.  And when she gets out of bed in the morning, she must bring one or more of her "friends" and at least one blanket.  Then we snuggle on the couch for a few minutes or more, depending on how she feels, while she wakes the rest of the way up.  

Vivianne also is the cutest when she is saying Good-bye.  She waves the cutest little wave, blows kisses, and says "bye-bye" in the sweetest little girl voice.  She is super affectionate and loves to snuggle and play with her brothers and sister.  The boys are mostly pushovers with her still at this point and will do whatever she wants them to do for or with her, lol!  Eden loves her sister too but, likes Vivianne to not do, play, or touch anything, lol!! Although Vivianne has a little more attitude lately and is not afraid to show when she is mad at someone by very intentionally walking over to someone and hitting them to show that she is upset.  We are working on that. ;) 

At her 12 or 18 month check-up, Dr. Davis told me that it was time to take the pacifier from her while she was still at the point where giving it up wouldn't matter as much and it would be easier.  I laughed at him.  We all know that if there is an easy way to do something, that I will find an easier way that benefits me short term and make it more difficult long-term, because, ya know, that is how I roll!  So, what I am trying to say is, she still has her "paci-boom-boom" as I have somehow ended up calling the darn things after all these years. 

*On a side tangent here:  I think it is downright HILARIOUS when younger people, doctors, people that raised one or two kids, or just plain ignorant people try to give me advice on how to raise kids!  Like anyone REALLY knows, LMAO!  I am pretty sure that we are all just muddling through the best we can.  But, really, do people think I haven't tried just about everything under the sun and learned along the way!?!?  I might have ADHD, PTSD, Mom-brain, and quite possibly some kind of hormonal weirdness but, I am not stupid!! Haha!  And one of my favorite pastimes is watching all the new generation of moms have mental break downs over every little thing they have read and how it is going to either turn your child into a rocket scientist with no health problems or they will end up shattered little souls with all kinds of health issues.  I was the exact same way when I first had kids and couldn't fathom how in the world my parents raised me the way they did.  You know, with NO carseats (oh, the horror), didn't read to us before bed(and I STILL LOVE READING....how is that possible!?!?....I actually do read to the kids before bed though), feed babies formula instead of the clearly better breastmilk, giving kids medicine, blah, blah, blah. I was always up to date on car seat regulations, etc.  You know what is funny??  All those studies, those "do things this way because it the best and your child will grow horns and die if you don't do things this way" articles, the car seat regulations, the "put baby to sleep on his back-put baby to sleep on his side-put baby to sleep on his stomach", the don't eat lunchmeat when your pregnant and other such advice.....they have all changed at least three or four or more times since I had Tristan.  What I was "supposed" to do as a mom changed remarkably from when I had Tristan to when I had Vivianne. What I have learned along the way, is that we all need to do what works best for us and for each individual kid.  And whatever the newest studies have shown about whatever subject is great and good information and all that but, if you don't do whatever the newest trend is, your baby is still going to be fine.  I haven't med any formula fed adults that have any kind of effects that anyone can trace back to not being breast fed. K, well, that really was a tangent, now wasn't it!?!? End side tangent**

So, Vivi Lu has a pretty big vocabulary going and she is putting together short sentences too.  Like I said, she will try to repeat everything.  Her hair is getting long enough to start to "Do" it.  She has the cutest little curlies and the color of her hair is gorgeous.  I seriously have the most beautiful girls I have ever seen.  I know I am biased but, for reals, I can't believe that I made half of them!! I guess it helps that they have a super handsome Daddy too. :)

Grape Fest Feature Parade 2015

 We took the kids to the Grape Festival feature parade this year at Grape Fest.  The parade (and all of Grape Festival( needs a kick in the pants or something.  It has slowly been going down hill for a few years now.  We enjoyed ourselves anyway though.

 Tristan was with his girlfriend(at the time, they are no longer "going out"), Hannah.  

 Vicki and Dan

 My little Froo.  

The Money Pit (not starring Tom Hanks, unfortunately)

The heat decided to not work at our Carthage house, I guess.  We stopped by there on Friday and found the heat off, an actively leaking pipe in the basement, and a mess.  Joy of my life.  We turned the heat back on (how it got turned off is beyond me because even if the power went off...which id did....the furnace should still kick back on....whatever), turned the water to the house off, and left it until we could get to it as we discovered it about 9:00pm.  I just can't even. 

Lil Cheer Night

This past week, I signed Eden up for Lil' Cheer Night at the high school.  The big cheerleaders teach the lil' cheerleaders some cheers and a dance, give them a lil' cheer shirt, and they perform at the half time of the high school basketball game.  I wasn't sure how Eden would do, I was nervous about it actually.  But, she LOVED it!  And she did so good!! She participated and was excited and engaged the whole time. 
The night of the performance there was a stupid snow storm, Jeremy had to work late, I was batshit bonkers, Eden had to be there at four, Cedric had a game too(it got cancelled thank goodness), on and on.  I had to run around and around and around in the crappy snow(luckily we had four brand spankin' new tires on the Expedition and I put it in 4x4 to give me more hope in the snow.  I couldn't find a parking spot when I got back to the school to watch her perform, I was walking in when Vanessa called me and told me that they were already on the floor! Gaah!!! I hungu p, ran inside like a for real crazy person, slid in on the floor in front of people and threw my camera bag open, and caught her dance performance! Whew!  She looked happy to see me too because she was looking for a face in the crowd. 
Anyway, despite the craziness of performance night, both Eden and I had a blast doing this.  I for reals want to get her and Viv in a dance class.  And heck, if any of the boys want to do it, they totally can.  There is just something about a guy that can dance.  Yep, I should totally get a couple of the boys to do it too. 

Eden- Lil' Cheer Night

Mud Volleyball

 Every year at Grape Festival there is a Mud Volleyball Tournament.  I have never actually participated in it, though I was SUPPOSED to the year that Jeremy and I started dating but, I stayed out to late with Julie Scheetz the night before and we both overslept, lol!  Anyway, Chris Hutson called Jeremy and wanted to put together a team for old times sake.  Jeremy agreed.  I was going to be doing the Grape Stomp with Trisha that morning.  Well, at the last minute they needed another player so right after the Grape Stomp, I changed and went to play Mud Volleyball, reluctantly, lol!  

 I only actually played for a few minutes but, it was a BLAST!  My main concern was that Jeremy got to have a great time with his best friend, Chris, and his brother, Tyson.  And boy, did they ever!  

Our team actually did better than we thought we would do and got to play until the early afternoon.  

 After we were done playing, we all piled in the back of Tyson's truck and headed down to the river to "wash off".  It was a super fun time and something we are glad we got to do.  

 These guys were hilarious!! 

After this, Jeremy and I actually cleaned up and went to The Wine Barrel because we had heard that the food truck, Fork It, was there.  We went there and got a ton of food to eat and headed to Colchester.  I had really wanted to make it to the Labor Day celebration over there because they have a GINORMOUS flea market and I wanted to get some props, chairs, etc. for photo sessions I had coming up.  We got there late in the day and all the vendors were closing but, we did awesome for the little bit we got to be there and I walked away with a chairs, benches, and props for a great price!! 

Good Article

I read an article on the internet the other day by Stephanie Marsh on Huffington Post.  I am gonna copy and paste it here because it hit so darn close to home for me.  And as I sit here with tears flowing down my face from a fresh argument with the kids, it really, really sinks in. Here it is:

I Am Not That Mom
I am not that mom who sits on the floor with you playing My Little Pony for hours. I am not the mom who builds entire towns on Minecraft. I have never learned to play Pokémon and I never (ever) will. I am well aware of my failure in this aspect of parenting.
I am thankful for my husband, who excels in watching cartoons and playing video games. I smile when I see him and the kids tossing a football in the yard. (In the yard. No throwing balls in the house. Jesus.) I laugh when they wrestle and tickle and play, play, play.
I'm just not that mom.
I was the young soon-to-be mom, scared to death but determined, so determined, to bring you into this world and love you like no other. I was the single mother of two who worked long hours and still held dance parties with just my two boys where we sang at the top of our lungs and the laughter rang as loud as the music. Before you were even born, I was the mom eating cherry cheesecake so I could see you dance. (And because cheesecake.)
When I first saw you, I knew that you would hold my heart forever. Two more times I met my new sweet babies, and two more times my heart grew to wrap around all of you. When you were a baby, I was that mom who couldn't sleep for looking at you. I can still feel you, so tiny, snuggled on my chest. When I see you asleep now, I still picture you curled up in footie pajamas, all wispy hair and dark lashes against perfect skin.
I was that mom who rocked you all night, patting and bouncing and shh, shh, shhing when you cried. I was the mom who panicked over every bump and bruise. I was the mom who kissed boo boos. I was the mom who spent untold hours waiting on casts for broken bones or bandages for cut fingers. (Safety scissors, my ass.) I was the mom whose leg you were firmly wrapped around the day we toured preschools. I was the mom who went to school online in order to work from home because you needed me.
I am the mom who signs notes and checks homework and packs lunches. I'm the mom who makes the doctor's visits and dentist appointments and parent teacher conferences. I'm the mom who hasn't worn anything but thrift store clothes for years so that you can go to school wearing clothes that are apparently hand-sewn by the famous athletes of the world.
I'm the mom who makes stupid jokes and sings off-key and acts sillier than I am just to see you smile. I'm the mom who wouldn't trade those smiles for the entire world.
I'm the mom who loves you so much more than I could ever explain. And the mom who tries so hard to show you that.
But most times I feel like I am also the mom who is failing.
I'm the mom with chronic recurring depression. I'm the mom with generalized anxiety disorder. I'm the mom with PTSD. I'm the mom who has chronic migraines. I'm the mom with chronic pain. I'm the mom who sees more doctors than hairstylists. (Hahaha, I don't even remember the last time I went to a stylist. But you have an appointment tomorrow.)
I am the mom who struggles every single day to accomplish the things that have to be done so that you can have a "normal" life. I am the mom who does your laundry even when I have to sit down to sort it. I'm the mom who makes sure the water bill gets paid so that you can shower. I'm the mom who clips your fingernails and buys you toothpaste and nags you to wear deodorant.
I'm also the mom who forgets things. Not the big stuff, like birthdays or Christmas, although there have been a few notes from the Tooth Fairy instead of cash. But I forget things that you already told me. I forget that when you were playing a video game yesterday, you scored 58 touchdowns and a free throw, and spawned...maybe a chicken? I don't know. I forget.
But I'm also the mom who can tell in a single glance when you are upset, and who listens to you when you are sad and angry and when you are happy and excited, even if I do tend to forget your ponies' names and LeBron's stats and how to catch 'em all.
I'm the mom who wants to slay all your dragons and breathe fire on anyone who dares to hurt you.
I'm also the mom who too often hurts too much to cook dinner. I'm the mom who lets you eat an unhealthy amount of macaroni and pizza rolls. I'm the mom who has piles of clean laundry on the couch because my arms ache so badly I can't fold it. I'm the mom who gets overwhelmed too easily. I'm the mom who has to hide when things get to be too much. I'm that mom who cries in the bathroom when I've let you down.
I'm the mom who stays awake at night worrying about you. I'm the mom who wishes she could save all your hugs and all your "I love you's" and get them back out on the days when there are no hugs, just slamming doors.
I'm the mom who loves you SO MUCH. You are the children who save my life every day. I'm the mom who is trying to be the parent you deserve, even when I'm not the one you might want.

Gonna Try To Blog Again

 Started this post a couple of weeks ago or more.  I don't know.....whatever.....I WANT to blog more.  I want to do lots of things but,......I can't seem to wrap my head around life and the crazy things going on in it right now, lol!  And in turn, in can't seem to function normally. I'm not allowed to discuss much yet either.  I need a serious break from life and re-evaluate life, the universe, and everything.  One thing weighing heavy on my heart today is that one of my best friends in the history of ever, Denae, found out that she has Stage 3 Primary Biliary Liver Cirrhosis.  They are thinking they can keep her alive and off the liver transplant list if she responds well to treatment, which I hope she does.  I just want to leave and drive straight to Arizona.  But, I can't.  Which makes me bitter sometimes, and it shouldn't but, it does.  And I have come to realize just how immediate every single thing in the world is, we cannot assume that someone will just "know" how we feel about them, or that they will hear us after they have passed on either.  I have made that mistake before and it is not one I want to repeat.  Anyway, I will move on to another topic.  Gonna blog the crap out of this dang blog, straight away.

 

Insights From Cullen

"Whoever wins is the winner." 

Beggar's Night 2015

Eden dressed as her own version of Anna from the movie, Frozen.

Cedric dressed himself as a soldier.  We bought him some khaki pants and a camo thermal shirt and he found the rest of the stuff himself. 

 This time of year is always super busy but, adding my own business to mix has been new with both good and bad results, lol!  I am definitely learning a ton and trying to adjust where necessary but, whew!  Anyway, so Halloween kinda snuck up on us this year....I mean we knew it was coming but, we were dealing with other stuff first and then all of a sudden the days to actually dress up were right around the corner(the next day, lol) and I was making a mad dash to the store to try and get last minute costumes.  So, this year I had six kids dress up.  Tristan has reached the age where he didn't want to and he decided to stay at our house and pass out candy instead, which was fine with me because I always want to pass out candy at our house but, never get to. That was one of the itty bitty, teeny tiny good things about living in Carthage was that we would do Beggar's Night in Nauvoo and then on Halloween, I could pass out candy in Carthage and some of the kids would trick or treat Carthage too. Anyway, I digress, so....Liam wanted to be a dementor from Harry Potter but, at the last minute all I could find was that spooky looking thing he is wearing(I can't remember what it was actually called, lol) and he was fine and dandy with it! Yay! Asher wanted to be a ninja again.  But, not the same ninja as last year(that would be too easy....and free), so he was a different ninja this year.  Cullen wanted to be a soldier as well.  Luckily, for his recent birthday he got a dress up army play set! We just bought some cheap camo pants and camo long sleeve shirt and used the play set for the rest.  

Eden wanted to be Twilight Sparkle from My Little Pony.  I searched high and low.  Couldn't find ANY My Little Pony costumes anywhere.(I had one in my Amazon shopping cart for at least two weeks ahead of time because I put in it there right after I ordered Viv's costume.  Do you think I could click ONE LITTLE BUTTON to order it in time.  Nope.) So, I looked for a different costume she might like and they were all like $40 or more.  Stupid.  I decided to look in the little girls dress up section in the toy section of Walmart while I was there.  I found a cardboard decorated treasure chest with two Anna and Elsa dress up costumes with some jewelry, hair stuff, and stickers or something.  It was on clearance for $20!  The costumes and the cardboard treasure chest were both cheaply made but, I thought we could work with what was in it.  I was so dang worried that Eden would not want anything to do with it because she had been dead set on being Twilight Sparkle.  Too my delight, she LOVED it!! She had zero issues with being Anna or Elsa (it took her a few minutes to decide but, she chose Anna, which I thought was appropriate because they look similar.) She was obsessed with carrying the treasure chest around for the next week, lol! 

Vivianne was Pinky Winky the Monster.  She was adorable.  When it came in the mail, it was just me and her home.  I took it out of the shipping packaging and showed her the costume still in the package and she immediately wanted to hold it.  I took it out and she held on to my shoulder and lifted her foot up like she wanted to get dressed!! :)  So, we put it on her right then and there and she LOVED it!! She wanted to wear it around all the time.  I took a quick picture and video to send to Jeremy and we took it off to not get it too dirty before Halloween but, she still wore it a few times before Halloween anyway, lol!  Anytime she sees it, she wants to put it on.  I just put it in the Halloween tote to store though...so no more, I guess. 

 

 We decided to try trick or treating in Bluff Woods this year, since it is where we live, could walk, and we had heard that Bluff Woods was THE place to trick or treat, lol!  And it was!! We only did a small part of it too.  We knew that Grandma Kelley had food and treats at her house so we thought we would finish up in town and start in Bluff Woods.

 All the kids were smitten with Vivianne as usual.  She is a super lucky girl to have so many people dote all over her, all the time!  

 Eden picked out everything for her costume.  She is freaking awesome.  She had on fleece lined black leggings, a purple shirt, her Anna dress, purple socks, pink shoes, her fleece winter hat, and of course she can't go anywhere without her backpack loaded to the brim. 

All the kids were super excited and cute when the went to the doors.  At first Eden was annoyed and yelled at people to give her the candy.  Once she saw how it worked, she started saying "Trick or Treat" and " Please and Thank you".  She was so thrilled every time she got something!  

 One house gave out bags of candy AND these cute little pumpkin flashlights.  Asher told the lady that hers was the best house ever.  LOL! She didn't give one to Viv, which I understand but, Vivi was really sad she didn't have one to hold on to.  

After trick or treating in Bluff Woods for a bit, we loaded everyone up and went to town to trick or treat.  After that the whole family kinda hung out at Grandma Kelley's house, ate yummy food, and chatted with everyone.  Then we all came home and crashed.  Trick or treating was a success and actually really, really fun this year!!! YAY!!